Cut jokes
How do you keep a mute woman you've raped from telling on you?
By cutting off her fingers.
Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?
It took my sole.
Guys, I guess with all these storms there was a power cut in his house.
Why can’t Sally get a hair cut? She has cancer.
I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note... it's a start...
How do you cut the sea in half?
With a sea-saw.
Did you hear about the mad who got his whole left side cut off? He's all right now.
what's the difference between an onion and a baby?
nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
When I'm sad, I cut myself...A PIECE OF CAKE!
What do you do after you rape a deaf girl?
Cut off her fingers so she can't tell anyone.
How do you get an emo out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
This man got his left arm and left leg cut off, and someone asked him, "How are you?" And he said, "I’m all right now."
How does the man on the moon cut his hair?
Eclipses it!
Chuck does not cut butter with a knife, he cuts a knife with butter.
We cut and kill flowers because they're pretty.
We cut and kill ourselves because we are not.
How do you cut ancient Rome in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.
One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."
The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."
The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"
What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.
Where did the sheep get a haircut?
At the baa-baa shop.