Friend: Why don't you cut your hair?
Me: Dunno, but I'll probably cut my wrists first.
Cut Jokes
What's an emo person's least favorite game? Cut The Rope.
You know those paper families you cut out?
Well, I put one of those in an orphanage.
When I nailed the quiz, my teacher wasn't very happy. I wasn't either with all those paper cuts.
Oof.
I wish my lawn was emo, because then it would cut itself.
I will remember my biker buddy's last words: "Why did you cut in front of me?"
If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?
There's two types of emo people:
1. People that cut side to side.
2. And people that cut up and down.
The most efficient is up and down.
Why do emos cut themselves?
To play noughts and crosses.
I like my women like how I like my cocaine, smuggled and cut clean.
Me: Hey dad, I'm in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal!
Dad: Hi in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal! I'm dad!
What did the Emo say to the surgeon? "Cut me, please!"
What's the best part about having emo grass?
It cuts itself!
Q: How many dogs does it take to shingle a roof? A: It depends on how you cut 'em.
What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest? One cuts them off and one sucks them off.
Three blonde girls are on an island, and they are much too far away from land to swim. They find a genie on the island who offers them each one wish. The first girl says, "I wish I was smart enough to get off this island!" So the genie makes her a redheaded girl, she cuts down a tree, makes it into a boat, and proceeds to row off the island.
The next girl says, "I wish I was even smarter than her so I don't have to do so much manual labor!" So she turns into a brunette and makes a sailboat and lets the wind take her off the island.
The final girl says, "I wish I was smarter than both of them!" So she turns into a man and takes the bridge.
When I'm cutting my grass, want to know what it reminds me of? My arms and legs.
I’ve been told I’ve got a perfect cock. She sure was hard on me when I cut it off, though.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
A murderer.
A murderer who--
Is cut off by being murdered.
I'm starting to wish my grass was emo.
Why?
So it would cut itself.
