Cut jokes
Why do emos cut themselves?
To play noughts and crosses.
I like my women like how I like my cocaine, smuggled and cut clean.
Me: Hey dad, I'm in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal!
Dad: Hi in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal! I'm dad!
What did the Emo say to the surgeon? "Cut me, please!"
What's the best part about having emo grass?
It cuts itself!
Q: How many dogs does it take to shingle a roof? A: It depends on how you cut 'em.
What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest? One cuts them off and one sucks them off.
Three blonde girls are on an island, and they are much too far away from land to swim. They find a genie on the island who offers them each one wish. The first girl says, "I wish I was smart enough to get off this island!" So the genie makes her a redheaded girl, she cuts down a tree, makes it into a boat, and proceeds to row off the island.
The next girl says, "I wish I was even smarter than her so I don't have to do so much manual labor!" So she turns into a brunette and makes a sailboat and lets the wind take her off the island.
The final girl says, "I wish I was smarter than both of them!" So she turns into a man and takes the bridge.
When I'm cutting my grass, want to know what it reminds me of? My arms and legs.
I’ve been told I’ve got a perfect cock. She sure was hard on me when I cut it off, though.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
A murderer.
A murderer who--
Is cut off by being murdered.
I'm starting to wish my grass was emo.
Why?
So it would cut itself.
What was the Roman Empire cut in half by?
A pair of Caesars.
I can’t hang out with an emo when they are sad? Why? Because it cuts deeply.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it!
Cats are like onions; when I cut them, I cry.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He had a power cut.
What was the chip doing at the hairdressers?
It was getting a crinkle cut.
There was a guy who got his entire left side cut off. Don’t worry, he is all right now.
How do you keep a mute woman you've raped from telling on you?
By cutting off her fingers.