Cut jokes
I like my women like how I like my cocaine, smuggled and cut clean.
Me: Hey dad, I'm in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal!
Dad: Hi in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal! I'm dad!
What did the Emo say to the surgeon? "Cut me, please!"
What's the best part about having emo grass?
It cuts itself!
Q: How many dogs does it take to shingle a roof? A: It depends on how you cut 'em.
What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest? One cuts them off and one sucks them off.
Three blonde girls are on an island, and they are much too far away from land to swim. They find a genie on the island who offers them each one wish. The first girl says, "I wish I was smart enough to get off this island!" So the genie makes her a redheaded girl, she cuts down a tree, makes it into a boat, and proceeds to row off the island.
The next girl says, "I wish I was even smarter than her so I don't have to do so much manual labor!" So she turns into a brunette and makes a sailboat and lets the wind take her off the island.
The final girl says, "I wish I was smarter than both of them!" So she turns into a man and takes the bridge.
When I'm cutting my grass, want to know what it reminds me of? My arms and legs.
I’ve been told I’ve got a perfect cock. She sure was hard on me when I cut it off, though.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
A murderer.
A murderer who--
Is cut off by being murdered.
I'm starting to wish my grass was emo.
Why?
So it would cut itself.
What was the Roman Empire cut in half by?
A pair of Caesars.
I can’t hang out with an emo when they are sad? Why? Because it cuts deeply.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it!
Cats are like onions; when I cut them, I cry.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He had a power cut.
What was the chip doing at the hairdressers?
It was getting a crinkle cut.
There was a guy who got his entire left side cut off. Don’t worry, he is all right now.
How do you keep a mute woman you've raped from telling on you?
By cutting off her fingers.
Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?
It took my sole.