Crime jokes
My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his wife?
He wiped.
I would try to stop rapists, but force would be an option for it.
Woman gets pulled over by a cop.
Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"
Lady: "No, officer."
Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"
Lady: "Just water, officer."
Cop: "Looks like wine to me."
Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"
What did the rapist say to his victim?
"Go ahead, call the police. We will see who comes first."
What does a killer say in the shower in the morning?
- Splish splash, I'm gonna slash...
Why did the Mexican man push his wife off a cliff?
Tequila.
It's not rape if they can't say no. Duct tape.
Why does the Jedi never join the dark side?
If they did, then they would lose the opportunity to molest young padawans.
I was once caught doing it with a 16 year old in my bedroom. Boy, was my wife mad. She yelled "HOW CAN YOU F*** OUR DAUGHTER?!". Haha, yeah, she was mad.
Anyways, that's why your mother and I are getting a divorce, Timmy.
What is more dangerous than Russian gangs?
Russian malls.
My teacher is a rapist.
Why did Sally die? She got stabbed by her mum.
What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic priest?
One goes limp when a child walks in the room.
What’s the only type of batteries that they use in prisons? Duracell.
How it be when the new guy takes too long...
Hay Danny, it's me Johnny.
Johnny: Boss says to kill the guy in red. Point the gun at his head.
Danny: Ok, target locked. 3... 2... 1... bang.
Johnny: Danny, hope you did not get the man in red.
Danny: OH MY BRO FOR REALL.
Donald Trump didn't build a wall because he likes going to islands to touch little girls.
Why did the orphan go to rob the bank? Because he wanted to be wanted! >:D
What happens when you hear about Mary Brittain beating a Thomas?
You cook spaghetti with his blood!
On the plus side, Nicola Bulley no longer has a problem with alcohol.