Crime jokes

What happens when Batman sees Catwoman?

The Dark Knight Rises.

I say 1, 2, 3, all the kids bullied me, but now they're not so cool, cuz I shot up the school.

Why did the guitarist go to prison?

'Cause he fingered A minor.

Rape isn't funny unless she's laughing, too.

"Suicide is a murder, and my body should go to jail."

Why does an orphan play GTA to be wanted? 😂😭

"Hippity hoppity, the school shooter spotted me."

Somebody stole my joke.

So I stole their spinal cord.

I just got a job at the prison library.

It has its prose and cons.

What's the difference between Jedi and a rapist?

Nothing, they both use the Force to get what they want.

My boss said she would've loved to meet Bill Cosby as a child. I don't get why I'm getting arrested. I was just making sure his dream came true.

Why did the serial killer cross the road? To get to the victim's house.

Knock, knock. Who's there? The serial killer.

I don't like the term "kidnapping." I prefer "surprise adoption."

Three nuns are having a charity in front of the church.

A man in a trench coat walks up and flashes the three nuns. The first nun had a stroke, the second nun had a stroke, but the third nun, her arm was too short.

I bought a silencer for my gun, but I don't think it works.

My victims still scream.

A news headline read: "A toddler has shot a person every week in the US for two years straight."

He was in the infantry.

"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"

Orphan kids only play GTA5 so they can be wanted.

Why did the orphan play GTA? Because he wanted to feel the wanted level.

What do you call an egg murder?

An eggs-terminator!