Crime jokes

Orphan kids only play GTA5 so they can be wanted.

Why did the orphan play GTA? Because he wanted to feel the wanted level.

What do ICE and Mexican drug cartels both have in common?

They both kidnap Canadian women!

I just got a job at the prison library.

It has its prose and cons.

Do you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?

Yes, I know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane.

What do you call an egg murder?

An eggs-terminator!

What's the difference between Jedi and a rapist?

Nothing, they both use the Force to get what they want.

I found a chest of gold in my garden the other day. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.

Then I remembered why I was digging in my garden.

Police Report: Looking for a female, light brown hair, blue eyes, freckles, and a small scar on her right check.

Last seen on CCTV wearing see-through bottoms, a pink top, and a vibrating dildo hanging out of her arse. If you find this woman, please get her to charge the dildo for excessive fun.

If you're ever bored, rape an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

What’s the difference between a prostitute and a homeless shelter?

You can shit a load inside of a prostitute, but if you try it in a shelter, you get arrested.

Why do pedophiles always lose a race?

Because they come in a little behind.

The devil's number is 346 because you will be in jail.

Why is it you donate one kidney, you're a hero, but donate four or five and people run and call the police?

How do you take care of all the babies you just crushed with your car?

Open a pizza shop 🍕

How to commit arson:

1. Burn down an orphanage.

What do you call an orphan with parents?

I don't know... what?

Kidnapped. :)

"I’m on a hunt for my wife’s murderer, have been for years."

"Oh my God! Your wife’s been murdered?!"

"No no, you misunderstand. I’m still looking for him."

What is the first thing you should always take care of first after a car crash?

The witnesses.

Why did Jeffery Dahmer not eat old people?

He does not like roasted vegetables.