Crime

Crime jokes

Priest

    • One night when I was six, I had this super annoying accent, and when I said the number "six," Oh no... One night my Catholic priest asked me how many cookies I needed for my family. I told him six, but thanks to my accent being mixed with many others including Scottish, French, and Russian, it sounded like I said "I need to have sex." He looked at me strange then pulled me into a closet, being a pedo.

    When Momma asked me why I was missing for 6 hours, I told her, "I went to get the cookies like you told me to, and father raped the Christianity out of me." The angry look she gave my father was amazing. Then with my Papa, she beat the hell outta him.

    Serves him right.

  • 4

    • Dough

    • The bakery I worked at got robbed. They demanded the dough; apparently, it couldn't be baked first.

    Crime memes

    Drunk

    • A drunk walks out of a bar late at night and sees a nun walking past on the footpath. He utters something hateful to himself as he begins running, building momentum before launching himself at the nun, catching her with a massive superman punch to the back of the head, knocking her tumbling brutally to the pavement.

    He proceeded with a swift kicking to the nun's ribs and spine before grabbing the nun by the scruff of her habit and lifting her limp to her feet till face to face. Looking the nun dead in her eyes with menace, the drunk victoriously growled, "You're not so bloody tough tonight, are ya, Batman?"

  • 6

    • Penalty

    • I was in Afghanistan and I had been captured by the Taliban. I was going to get the death penalty.

    Suddenly a man came out of nowhere and offered to take the penalty. It was my idolo Penaldo. He missed the penalty. Now I will die. Shame on u Penaldo!

  • 0

    • Pedophile

    • The daughter of an incestuous pedophile goes into the living room where he is watching TV and asks him if she can borrow the car that evening.

    "Sure honey! If you suck my dick!"

    So she gets down on him but something is wrong. She pops her head up and says: "Dad! This tastes like shit!"

    "Oh yeah, I forgot," says the father. "I already gave your brother the car for tonight."

  • 1

    • Article

    • Bye, I'm Paul Badman. Did you know that you don't have rights? The Articles of Confederation say you don't, and so do I. I believe that until proven innocent, every woman, man, and adult in this country is guilty. And that's why I don't fight for you, Santa Fe!

  • 1

    • Cheetah

    • Did you hear about the cheetah who robbed a bank? He ran away so fast he almost got away with it, but he was spotted.

  • 2

    • Kidnapping

    • I put this joke so the amount of jokes will be 69. Also, I have 50 kids in my basement. I fed "Twinkies" last night.

  • 1

    • Molestation

    • Have you seen the Woody Allen v Mia Farrow series on HBO? If you like details about child molestation without having to do it yourself, boy do I have the show for you!

  • 0