What do you call a deaf and blind axe murderer?
Helen Killer.
I heard there was a kidnapping.
Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.
It was his father's friend who was a priest.
He was just bringing him to church.
+1 like = 1 kid in my basement.
+1 follower = 1 kid in my Microwave.
+1 Comet.
What do you call a disabled person who deals drugs?
A wheel dealer.
DARK ALERT********
A girl went to the doctor. The doctor said she had one year to live. She shot the doctor, and the judge gave her 15 years.
DARK ALERT********
Why did the prisoner run away?
To spit bars.
What does a sex offender that is a lesbian have in common with a sex offender that is a feminist?
They only performed cunnilingus on girls under 18 years old.
When the person who killed JFK heard "headshot."
A guy who just got robbed says, "I've been hacked, and the hacker ransomware!"
I went on a dating site looking for arsonists.
I found a lot of matches.
Yesterday I saw an orphan kid playing GTA and told him he cant get 5 stars because he ain't wanted
What's the difference between me and Bill Cosby?
I haven't been caught.
Why do orphans like stealing things?
They wanted to have company.
"It's not a war crime if you win the war."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
How do you get a boy to share something? Bring in Michael Jackson's bed.
What time do terrorists arrive in New York City?
9:11 AM
My four conditions:
1. I need coffee.
2. I need vacation.
3. I need food.
4. I need tape, axe, saw, bag, shovel, and an alibi.
Q. Why didn't Tracy Latimer enjoy her trip to Vancouver?
A. She had to go to GasTown.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knife." "Knife, who?" "How are you still alive? I just stabbed you!"
I stole a wheelchair. I knew the owner would come crawling back.
