Crime jokes
If you're ever bored, just rape an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents!
Hahaha come on people, they don't have parents, we can do what we like with them...
Rape...hurt...and sell them!
So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.
"I think Hannibal Lecter is soooo sexy... I'd like him to eat me!"
What is the difference between Catholics and Lutherans?
Catholics are registered sex offenders.
We shouldn't joke about major tragedies. My dad died in 9/11, he was Saudi Arabia's best pilot.
I am crying tears of joy rn. I was wrongfully sentenced to death. They took me to prison to wait for my execution, but when I got there, they said that I was free. I asked them why and they told me that a man named Penaldo had taken my death penalty for me. Thank you, Penaldo!
You know what the worst thing about gang rape is?
Having to wait your turn.
Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?
It took my sole.
There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.
Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.
A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."
One night I was sitting on my bed in my room, minding my own business. It was pretty late, around 10 PM. The glow of my laptop screen was the only light in the room. I heard a noise coming from behind me. It sounded like the door was opening, but there was no one else in the house.
I turned around and found Mr. Incredible standing in my doorway, a stern look on his face. He walked over to me, slowly and dramatically. Then he leaned over and pointed his finger at my face, only about two inches away now. I was frozen with my back against the wall. Then, Mr. Incredible said something I would never forget: "Stop pirating video games."
Ever since that day, I have never gone on a pirating website and have paid legally for my video games. True story.
What’s the difference between a thief and a pervert?
One will snatch your watch, the other will watch your snatch.
What happens when you have a kid with Tourette's and a hair trigger?
The Las Vegas shooting.
A news headline read: "A toddler has shot a person every week in the US for two years straight."
He was in the infantry.
What is the world's greatest invention? The ball gag, do you know why? Honestly, officer, I never heard her say no.
Me: Brings in missing child.
Police: OMG this kid has been missing for 3 months. Here is your reward.
Me: Oh, cool.
NEXT DAY
Me: Brings in 8 other kids.
Police :0 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere!
I told my boyfriend one time when I was drunk that I like being raped. The next day, he comes over and says, "Want to have sex?" I said no. He was arrested two days later.
A blind guy shot up a town.
I guess he couldn’t see the road to heaven.
An eight-year-old girl struggles to breathe as she lies on a hospital bed and waits for the doctor to come. After the doctor comes, he pulls his cock out of her mouth, and she can breathe much better.