Crime

Crime jokes

Dad

Everyone else seems to have met my dad. I only have the mugshots.

Study

Studies have shown that in London, a person is stabbed 24 times a second. Poor bastard!

Assault

Today was a bittersweet day...

Bad news is my friend was assaulted. Good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!

Terrorist

What did the terrorist think to himself seconds before hitting the tower?

"Did I leave the stove on?"

Drug

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.

I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

Memes

Cop

I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

I got the joke from my brother.

Prison

Why is the white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?

Because the white guy actually did it.

Rape

The amount of women judging me for raping a poor lady is terrible. You weren't there. You don't know!

Lesson

The last time I had flying lessons, I hit some building in Manhattan. Then my Uncle got shot in 2008. Darn...

Office

A man was walking down the street with a swivel chair under one arm, a computer under the other, and a desk strapped to his back.

A policeman ran over to him and handcuffed him, saying, "I'm arresting you for impersonating an office, sir!"

Van

Kid: "Mom, what happened to Jim?"

Mom: "He got inside a white van."

Seven

Why was six afraid of seven?

Because seven is a registered six offender.