Crime jokes
What's the difference between Jedi and a rapist?
Nothing, they both use the Force to get what they want.
My boss said she would've loved to meet Bill Cosby as a child. I don't get why I'm getting arrested. I was just making sure his dream came true.
A news headline read: "A toddler has shot a person every week in the US for two years straight."
He was in the infantry.
"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"
I bought a silencer for my gun, but I don't think it works.
My victims still scream.
What do you call an egg murder?
An eggs-terminator!
Do you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?
Yes, I know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane.
Three nuns are having a charity in front of the church.
A man in a trench coat walks up and flashes the three nuns. The first nun had a stroke, the second nun had a stroke, but the third nun, her arm was too short.
Why did the serial killer cross the road? To get to the victim's house.
Knock, knock. Who's there? The serial killer.
I don't like the term "kidnapping." I prefer "surprise adoption."
Why did the orphan play GTA? Because he wanted to feel the wanted level.
Orphan kids only play GTA5 so they can be wanted.
I just got a job at the prison library.
It has its prose and cons.
Q: What kind of person has 100% ambition and never gives up if someone gets in their way?
A: A rapist.
Police Report: Looking for a female, light brown hair, blue eyes, freckles, and a small scar on her right check.
Last seen on CCTV wearing see-through bottoms, a pink top, and a vibrating dildo hanging out of her arse. If you find this woman, please get her to charge the dildo for excessive fun.
Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*
Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?
Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~
If you're ever bored, rape an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
What do you call a disabled gang member? A crip.
Why is the white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?
Because the white guy actually did it.
Do you guys know what KFC stands for? It stands for kidnapping foster children.