Crime jokes

Why did the orphan play GTA? Because he wanted to feel the wanted level.

Orphan kids only play GTA5 so they can be wanted.

What do ICE and Mexican drug cartels both have in common?

They both kidnap Canadian women!

I found a chest of gold in my garden the other day. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.

Then I remembered why I was digging in my garden.

What's the difference between Jedi and a rapist?

Nothing, they both use the Force to get what they want.

My boss said she would've loved to meet Bill Cosby as a child. I don't get why I'm getting arrested. I was just making sure his dream came true.

What do you call an egg murder?

An eggs-terminator!

I just got a job at the prison library.

It has its prose and cons.

Do you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?

Yes, I know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane.

Police Report: Looking for a female, light brown hair, blue eyes, freckles, and a small scar on her right check.

Last seen on CCTV wearing see-through bottoms, a pink top, and a vibrating dildo hanging out of her arse. If you find this woman, please get her to charge the dildo for excessive fun.

Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*

Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?

Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~

If you're ever bored, rape an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

Everyone else seems to have met my dad. I only have the mugshots.

What did the woman say to Michael Jackson at the beach?

"Excuse me, sir, you're in my son."

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.

I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

What do you call someone who makes a joke about society?

The Joker.

Why is it you donate one kidney, you're a hero, but donate four or five and people run and call the police?

How do you take care of all the babies you just crushed with your car?

Open a pizza shop 🍕

How to commit arson:

1. Burn down an orphanage.

What do you call a Terrorist in a wheel chair?

RCXD in bound