Crime jokes

A news headline read: "A toddler has shot a person every week in the US for two years straight."

He was in the infantry.

"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"

I bought a silencer for my gun, but I don't think it works.

My victims still scream.

What do you call an egg murder?

An eggs-terminator!

Do you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?

Yes, I know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane.

Three nuns are having a charity in front of the church.

A man in a trench coat walks up and flashes the three nuns. The first nun had a stroke, the second nun had a stroke, but the third nun, her arm was too short.

Why did the serial killer cross the road? To get to the victim's house.

Knock, knock. Who's there? The serial killer.

I don't like the term "kidnapping." I prefer "surprise adoption."

Why did the orphan play GTA? Because he wanted to feel the wanted level.

Orphan kids only play GTA5 so they can be wanted.

I just got a job at the prison library.

It has its prose and cons.

Police Report: Looking for a female, light brown hair, blue eyes, freckles, and a small scar on her right check.

Last seen on CCTV wearing see-through bottoms, a pink top, and a vibrating dildo hanging out of her arse. If you find this woman, please get her to charge the dildo for excessive fun.

Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*

Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?

Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~

If you're ever bored, rape an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

What do you call a disabled gang member? A crip.

Why is the white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?

Because the white guy actually did it.

Do you guys know what KFC stands for? It stands for kidnapping foster children.

The amount of women judging me for raping a poor lady is terrible. You weren't there. You don't know!

A rapist, pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar. He orders a beer.

Same person.

Are you a gun, because I would be your bullets because I love going in children.