Crime jokes
Violence against women is funny :)
I knew this one guy who liked to swim with the fishes, then the mob got a hold of 'em...
What’s the difference between 911 and an abortion?
With 911 there was a victim to tell the tale.
Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?
Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!
What 16 stoner rode a Derby winner?
Lester Piggott's cellmate.
When is a rapist safe around children?
When his plans are oven ready.
Who wants to see me rape a toddler?
Why do prepubescent orphan girls love pedophiles? Because they get to call someone “Daddy”.
My four conditions:
1. I need coffee.
2. I need vacation.
3. I need food.
4. I need tape, axe, saw, bag, shovel, and an alibi.
Two pedophiles are on a beach.
One says to the other, "Move over, you're in my sun!"
What do you call an alligator detective??
An investi-gator.
What is harder than steel?
Michael Jackson on a primary school oval. 😂
Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.
Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.
Today I ate out my girlfriend... Jeffrey Dahmer style.
It's a little known fact that Helen Keller was against teaching deaf people sign language and thought they should be forced to use oral language.
Weird.
Last time I forced somebody into oral, I got arrested.
A child, molester, and priest walk into a bar.
He orders a drink.
A man and a child walk into the woods. The child turns to the man and says, "Mister, can we go home? It's getting late, and I'm scared to walk home."
The man turns to the child and says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk home alone!"
My stepmom kicked me out of the house because I was raped and got pregnant. I kicked her to death because she had sex and gave birth to my rapist stepbrother.
How did people know the 9/11 victims had a lot of dandruff?
Their head and shoulders were all over New York City!
One man walks up to another and says, "Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping at Main Street?" The guy says, "No." The other guy says, "Oh, he woke up."