Crime jokes

VOTING QUARTERFINAL 2: LIKE: When the school shooter knocks on the classroom door and the autistic kid opens it.

DISLIKE: When the school shooter is gonna clap the football team, but his AK jams: “Take it easy guys, I was just joking!”

Vote for the better joke.

Teacher: Students, tomorrow bring your parents to the open house.

Student one orphan: I don't have any.

Student 2: What is the difference between you and an escaped prisoner?

Student one orphan: What!

Student 2: The prisoner gets picked.

What happened to the police that crossed the road?

They solved a murder involving the nut case.

My brother got his legs chopped off, but someone FBI opened my basement door, but it wasn't my brother because he died of starvation in the basement.

"Killed two birds with one stone"? Pfft, I once killed two people with one bullet.

Kid: Dad, what happened to the kidnapper?

Dad: He had a nap.

Kid: Where is he now?

Dad: HELL!

Q: Why don't pedophiles win races?

A: Because they like to come in a little behind.

Why couldn't the chicken cross the road? Why couldn't the pervert cross the road? Because his dick was in the chicken's ass!

What’s the difference between a Ferrari and a sack of dead babies?

I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.

Jasper likes little girls and Bin Laden.

Muslims don't need weed, they've got the Koran.

You burn that sh*t and you're gonna get stoned.

Davin is a pedo.

Plz look up rainbow kiss - Bill Cosby.

Rape humor is not funny. Like if you agree.

What do you call a pansexual pedophile? Jesus.

Easy way to get away from rape is to become the rapist. All women need to carry a 12-inch dildo and a gun!

90,900,00,1090,279402% of girls are raped. 67% of women are raped. So I guess girls are sexier than women! Who agrees? Please comment: Good or Bad.

A Russian, a Brit, and a terrorist are in an air balloon.

First, the Russian says, "I dare to throw a stone down!" So he does that, but the others don't seem to be impressed. So the Brit says, "I dare to throw a brick down!" So again he does that, the Russian is impressed, but the terrorist laughs and says, "I dare to throw a bomb down!" So he does that and everybody can't believe what they have just seen. So a bit further, they land, and a shocked and afraid little boy comes running up to them. So they ask what happened, on which the little boy said, "I farted and my school exploded."

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were out on a hike. They had been going all day, so they decided to make camp and stay for the night. They both woke up at 3 A.M.

Holmes said, "Look up, Watson, what can you see?"

"Judging from the position of the stars, it looks like it's about 3 A.M."

"What else, Watson?"

"It looks like it will be a beautiful day tomorrow."

"What Else, Watson?"

"What am I supposed to see, Holmes?"

"Elementary my dear Watson, someone stole our tent!"

A man was raping a woman and thought the year was 1970, and he exclaimed to the judge later that he was her husband.

She got sent to the Asylum for Hysteria.

Wait, what? Was he actually her husband?

He was a Christian, so that actually meant he was AFTER the rape.

Wait, what? The Bible doesn't say that.

Actually yes, it does, and marital rape was legal until 1990.

WAIT WHAT? That's not funny.

I'll tell ya what's funny, that you think the women have nothing to complain about.