Crime jokes

I asked someone why they were crying. They told me that they had to abort their twins.

Then someone yelled "DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE!"

What do you call a Muslim in America being pursued by a perv?

Alien vs. Predator.

What weighs 70 pounds and doesn't like sex?

The 6-year-old in the trunk of my car.

Why did the cops come over?

Because parents had kids in their basement.

I was digging in my garden when I found a treasure chest full of gold. I was about to run inside and tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging in my garden.

My mum found a chest that was wet, and it had a child in it. She asked me what it was for. I said I put kids in it and chuck it in a river until they are dead.

Why did Sally die? She got stabbed by her mum.

What’s red and cries?

A skinned baby in a bag of salt.

Q: Name a murderer?

A: Jews: Hitler. Russians: Stalin. Chinese: Mao. Americans: Bin Laden. Aborted fetus: My mom.

Billy moved in with 69 pedophiles when he was 8. Many "tears" came across his cheeks.

"The rise of atheism is going to lead to a break down of social morals and lead to all kinds of filth, including an increase in child abuse," said the village priest.

The village scientists did some fact checking. In prison, they found roughly 70% of child abusers were hyper religious before committing the crimes, and another 20% converted to religions to look 'remorseful'. The remaining 10% preferred not to say. They presented the findings to the media.

"Scientists slander good religious folk and ignore the weight of evidence!"

"Is Science biased against religion? You decide in this survey," they reported.

The village priest is living at his majesty's convenience and tells the others he committed armed robbery.

"Why is this a joke? It's not even funny!" said the person reading this, breaking the forth wall.

What is funny is you got to the end of this post and didn't cringe. Why not?

If you wait for a woman to get 9 months pregnant and kill her, you will never be able to stop the loop.

Jasper likes little girls and Bin Laden.

Muslims don't need weed, they've got the Koran.

You burn that sh*t and you're gonna get stoned.

Q: Why don't pedophiles win races?

A: Because they like to come in a little behind.

I always use chloroform when stealing a child.

What’s the difference between a Ferrari and a sack of dead babies?

I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.

Why did the orphan rob the bank?

Because he wanted to be wanted.

I bought drugs today.

Teacher: Students, tomorrow bring your parents to the open house.

Student one orphan: I don't have any.

Student 2: What is the difference between you and an escaped prisoner?

Student one orphan: What!

Student 2: The prisoner gets picked.