Crime jokes
Kidnapping is just surprise adoption.
What is a school shooter's favorite animal?
A Desert Eagle.
"Officer, I drop kicked that child in self-defense." -Techno
101 pedo jokes.
Why's everything x2, need to get this shit dick off before the coppers come, it's called women taking advantage, you'll shit the bitcoin, 90% percent of pedo's who don't admit they're like kids blame the police, shit your kappas, you only want my veins why don't you inject me with smack, run in with ya black armbands, I've been sized for a million pound, stop giving me strain asking questions, I know what's going to happen next, bet the judge is a women, jealous coz your drink tastes like shit?
Is it coz your shit though? How many bids have you done? Shit 1 million views, don't try bribe me, did the police give me snip? How's my barbie doll or shall I say my little pony? The police beat fuck outta me, what's all these needle marks on my arm, I can tell you want something, why's everything like one big cycle, police own the dark web.
Keep it going on lol.
Why should you always wear rubber?
So you don’t leave DNA evidence.
How can you tell the difference between a Christian priest and a zit?
One waits until you're twelve to come on your face.
A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing. A man named Chris comes up and asks, “Which one is yours?” The man said, “I don’t know, I’m still deciding.”
In prison, they called me sweet cheeks.
Damn, the terrorists from CS:GO really do be learning to fly.
What do you call a Japanese car thief?
Tommy took a motor.
What happens when a battery commits a crime? They get charged!
How do you know an abo robbed your house?
The bins (trash cans) are empty and the dog is pregnant.
A dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
I don't call it arson. I call it warming up.
I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."
"But why?" I replied.
"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.
"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.
What does a pedophile call an orphanage?
A supermarket.
A cop pulls two Arabian men over, walks up to their window, and says, "We are looking for two child molesters!"
Now after a short pause, the two men look at each other, then back at the officer and say, "We'll do it!"
A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.
"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.
"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."
The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"
She said, "Not everybody paid."
If Adolf starred in the Room, his most iconic line would be “I did not Hitler! I did not!”
What did Michael Jackson say to the little boy?
"Shhhhhhh, this might hurt a little."