Crime jokes
I wanted to tell a joke about Jonestown.
But the punch line is too long.
What’s something Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger have in common?
Once you fall asleep, you’re fucked.
How do you break up two blind guys fighting?
Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"
I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun, now it's an assault rifle.
What do you call a paraplegic cannibal?
"Dine and dash."
Why does the Please Touch Museum sound like "police touch museum?"
Because they gotta watch out for the pedos.
Why do orphans rob banks?
Because they want to be wanted.
She said she was cheating. I put anti-freeze in her drink.
Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.
There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.
Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.
Why did God steal a rib from Adam and make a woman out of it?
God wanted to show that nothing sensible can come of stealing!
Why do they call them a nonce?
Because they go for people who don't have any sense.
POV: Me going to jail after giving the orphan kid a computer without the motherboard.
Your mama's so young your dad went to jail.
I pushed a disabled kid into a fire and called him "hot wheels."
Bruh, the cops just arrested a black dude...
Well nvm, they shot him dead.
What do you call an autistic kid in a school shooting?
Target practice.
What's a kidnapper's favorite shoe? White vans.
What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.