Crime jokes

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

I have a gun,

GET IN THE VAN!!

I killed a man, but it was April Fools'!

when is it normal to freeze before being raped?

when a policeman rapes you.

How many babies does it take to replace a light bulb? I'm guessing more than 10 cause it's still dark in my basement.

Roses are red. He shows no remorse.

Santa Claus Has joined the terrorist force.

I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence.

Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.

What type of file do you need to turn a 14 centimeter hole into a 40 centimeter hole?

A pedophile.

Ever heard of a rape victim with Alzheimers? Yeah, neither have they.

I might slide up to your block with intelligence. I'm a genius with a glock. There's some relevance. Took his chain, took his rocks. Took his sediments. There's no cap inside my speech. No impediments.

Putting numbers on the board, I use my calculator. Put a opp below the floor, he's a denominator. E = mc2, you didn't notice that? Had the shot, but he's too scared. Why didn't he buss it back?

P1: What's the difference between a kid and a hooker?

P2: I don't know.

P1: Wow, you sick fuck!

Do you guys know what KFC stands for? It stands for kidnapping foster children.

What does an Al Qaeda terrorist and a flexible man have in common?

They can blow themselves up.

Why is Michael Jackson on the naughty list this year?

Because he sexually kids 😂

If a lawyer gives birth to a stillborn baby, is it considered a miscarriage of justice?

No means no, but if you use chloroform, it’s a guaranteed yes.

What makes an ISIS joke funny?

The execution.

My uncle is a computer genius! The police even called him a PDF file!

4, 6, 8, and 9 have all been killed. 2, 3, 5, 7, and 11 are the prime suspects.

They say there's a person capable of murder in every friend group.

I suspected that it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.

Why did the credit card go to jail?

'Cuz it was guilty as charged!