Crime jokes
How does the cop respond to being called racist?
He said, "How can I be racist? My wife's eyes [are] black."
I just prevented an 11-year-old from getting assaulted.
I decided to go home.
I went fishing with my grandpa, and my fishing line caught the attention of a school of fish. I told him to get my gun.
A black man said, "Where are the young ones?"
What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?
My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.
What do you call a paraplegic cannibal?
"Dine and dash."
POV: Me going to jail after giving the orphan kid a computer without the motherboard.
Q: What do pedophiles use for allergic reactions?
A: An Epstein pen.
What's a kidnapper's favorite shoe?
White Vans.
How did black people learn to steal sports cars?
By playing GTA nonstop.
Why is arson so fun?
IT'S A FIRE ACTIVITY!
HAHAHAHAHAHAPAHAAHAHIIRTAASIISISISHRNHHTHTHTHHNHSHSNIHTAHE
Day 83 of being trapped in þis room. I made a language. I call it hertof. I speak wiþ þe walls now.
Wayne Couzens, the police officer who killed Sarah Everard, has been complaining about receiving a whole life tariff for her murder...
I think he should count his blessings. He could have had it worse...
He could have married her!
The school shooter encounters the emo kid. He reaches for his gun, but the emo kid disappears. He then finds that his gun is not on him.
What is it called when a cop hides under his bed? Going undercover.
Your mama's so young your dad went to jail.
Teach a Scouser to fish and he can eat for a day.
Give him the rod and he will stick it in your letterbox and nick your car keys!
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and the devil?
The devil always has horns... not just around children.
Why did God steal a rib from Adam and make a woman out of it?
God wanted to show that nothing sensible can come of stealing!
What do you call a nut that screws and then bolts?
An escapee from a mental hospital.