Crime jokes

I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

What's the difference between a Baptist and a rapist? The priests.

You call it a school shooting.

I call it an unfair shootout.

Why are orphans never in jail?

Because they're never wanted.

What do you call a terrorist on a wheelchair?

C4.

I ran into a kid today. Now I'm in jail and I lost my driver's license.

Yo yo Zac, have you Amber HEARD about the Johnny Depp case? ARRRRRRRRRRR!

How many terrorists does it take to tile a roof?

It depends on how thin you slice them.

Bye, I'm Paul Badman. Did you know that you don't have rights? The Articles of Confederation say you don't, and so do I. I believe that until proven innocent, every woman, man, and adult in this country is guilty. And that's why I don't fight for you, Santa Fe!

A man is on his deathbed in prison by electric chair.

The man who controls the chair asks for any last words.

The prisoner replies with: “Can you hold my hand?”

True fact: School shooters aren’t dangerous to you if you're the school shooter.

What is a paedo's favourite time of year?

Halloween because they get free delivery.

What is an orphan's dream?

To get on top of the wanted list! 🤣

Get shanked with a lamb shank with a stinky pampa in the tolpan.

I was digging and found some gold. I was going to tell my mom, then I remembered why I was digging.

"Abracadabra! Alacuzam! See that woman? She’s now a man."

"After the man got some sun, I turned this banana into a gun! Now look! I now have your phone, Apple Watch, and your credit card!"

Why was six afraid of seven?

Seven was a registered six offender.

My grandpa has the heart of a lion,

and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

Why do school shooters have the best shots?

They train at the best schools. 🤣🤣🧇🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂😂

Why do orphans like to play GTA?

To be wanted.