Crime jokes
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
To buy a house.
How it be when the new guy takes too long...
Hay Danny, it's me Johnny.
Johnny: Boss says to kill the guy in red. Point the gun at his head.
Danny: Ok, target locked. 3... 2... 1... bang.
Johnny: Danny, hope you did not get the man in red.
Danny: OH MY BRO FOR REALL.
If Will Smith had a revolver and said, "Who fucked my wife?" Chris Rock would say, "You don't have enough bullets, mate."
My doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15. Problem solved!
Hello, anybody, I've just shot somebody. I did it on purpose.
Memes
Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy.
You wouldn’t believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.
Mommy, mommy! Are we drug dealers?
Shut up and cut the coke.
I broke up with my boyfriend and stole his wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling back?
Johnny, Johnny?
Yes, Papa?
Sniffing cocaine?
YES SIRRR!
What happens when an orphan is told that someone had found their parents?
They cry...
They scream... with joy.
"Oh wait, no, that wasn't your parents."
Orphan grabs a knife out of the kitchen, lets just say, the orphan didn't live to tell the tail...
What is a kidnapper's favorite shoe?
White vans.
Q: How do you know it's time for bed at the Neverland Ranch? A: When the big hand touches the little hand.
Your hairline is so back when the police saw it, they had to arrest you.
"Hey, man, do you have any Ben and Jerry's?"
"Yeah, I have two of them, fresh and preserved in the freezer."
"I meant the ice cream, bro..."
Today, I saw my friend go crazy eating her ham sandwich. When she went to the bathroom, I checked inside her ham sandwich, and there were fresh drugs.
If a person kills their counselor, does that mean that they don't need therapy anymore?
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was assaulted.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
7 was a registered sex offender.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 was a registered sex offender.
What were my final words to Putin before I put a bullet through his head?
Answer: Putin, put out!