"Hey, man, do you have any Ben and Jerry's?"
"Yeah, I have two of them, fresh and preserved in the freezer."
"I meant the ice cream, bro..."
Crime Jokes
Today, I saw my friend go crazy eating her ham sandwich. When she went to the bathroom, I checked inside her ham sandwich, and there were fresh drugs.
If a person kills their counselor, does that mean that they don't need therapy anymore?
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was assaulted.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
7 was a registered sex offender.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 was a registered sex offender.
What were my final words to Putin before I put a bullet through his head?
Answer: Putin, put out!
Yo mama's so stupid, when thieves broke into her house and stole the TV, she chased after them shouting, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"
I AGREE WITH EDP.
Ya make 10 paintings, you aren't an artist.
Ya make 20 meals, you aren't a chef.
But when I kill ONE PERSON, I'm a "horrible person" and a "menace to society."
Why do orphans wish they had a bounty on them so that they can be wanted?
If R. Kelly was a therapist:
14 year old: I hate my life.
R. Kelly: I feel you.
A priest and a child molester walk into a bar. He orders a drink.
I had to go to my friend's house.
I went in her basement and I saw taped mouths that are KIDS in the basement... Is my friend OK???
One thing led to another, now I have a new patio.
Looking for true love. Must be into fun, likes to go out driving, playing the latest catching game and most importantly, must love kids. (PEADOPHILES MUST APPLY WITH HOW MANY KIDS YOU CAN CARRY!)
When they walk in and you're fucking... everyone at the morgue.
Why did the CSI team have to go to the "Purple Rain" shoot?
Because they had to dust for Prince! hahaha
How did the man in prison escape?
He drew a bum on the wall and slid through the crack.
What’s the difference between a police man and a bullet?
At least when a bullet kills someone, it’s actually fired.
