Crime jokes
A shoplifter tried to rob a grocery store.
He was asked to give an "eggsplanation."
Why did the strawberry cry?
Her mom was in a jam.
Me: If my face looked like yours, I would sue my parents.
Sensei: That’s funny, because when your parents dropped you off at the temple, they got a fine for littering.
Cop: Hehe, that’s funny because I gave them the fine!
Lynching is just another word for "hanging around."
Jeffrey Dahmer likes his men how he likes his coffee: black and ground up.
Memes
What do you call a terrorist in a bathtub?
Bathbomb.
Walter, I don't know, man, seems kinda sus.
A panda walks into a restaurant, orders some food, and eats it. Once he was done, he shoots the waiter, then leaves.
Police and detectives arrive at the scene. They ask the waiter, "Who did this to you? What happened?"
The waiter replies, "A panda, eats, shoots, and leaves."
Is it sexual harassment if a midget walks by you and tells you that your hair smells nice?
What does a sex offender that is a lesbian have in common with a sex offender that is a feminist?
They only performed cunnilingus on girls under 18 years old.
What do you call a terrorist swimming?
A bath bomb!
I like my wine like my women:
16 and in my basement.
A police officer pulls a man over. "Hands in the air!"
The man said, "Okay."
What can you do if you can't bear sharing the same blood as your father who raped you?
Have a blood transfusion.
Q: How do you know it's time for bed at the Neverland Ranch? A: When the big hand touches the little hand.
Your hairline is so back when the police saw it, they had to arrest you.
Why can't orphans be robbers?
Because they're not wanted.
Jeffrey Dahmer was craving Five Guys before it became a restaurant!
"Hey, man, do you have any Ben and Jerry's?"
"Yeah, I have two of them, fresh and preserved in the freezer."
"I meant the ice cream, bro..."
Today, I saw my friend go crazy eating her ham sandwich. When she went to the bathroom, I checked inside her ham sandwich, and there were fresh drugs.