Crime jokes
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and a pedophile?
One is Catholic and the other is a priest.
Bank owner: If you want to start a bank account, I need your name.
Guy: Robin
Bank owner: Your last name?
Guy: Debank
Bank owner: Robin Debank?
Guy: Put your hands up and give me all the money!
There's a new cooking programme on BBC1. The contestants are victims of domestic violence. It's called "Can't Cook... Right Hook."
What is the difference between a hoe's birth Daddy and her pimp Daddy?
The first daddy plants the seed in a cunt, and the second reaps the harvest from the cunt.
There's a new game in the arcade where kids can hit raging paedophiles with a mallet: Whack-A-Jack, oh!
When you have to get your prostate checked and you can feel the cold rubber of the glove, but you realize both the doctor's hands are on your shoulders.
I walked into a store, and I pointed a stick to the roof and said, "This is a stick up!"
One of the students reported a school shooting.
That fucking snitch...
What do you do after you rape a deaf girl?
Cut off her fingers so she can't tell anyone.
VOTING FINAL This vote is for the best School Shooter joke of the month.
LIKE: When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.
DISLIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.
Vote for the better joke and the Joke of the Month will be announced in the comments tomorrow.
OK, there are at least 3 pedophiles in your neighborhood.
But there are no pedophiles in my neighborhood; there are only three 10-year-old girls with juicy asses.
What is the difference between Bill Cosby and a rap artist?
The word "art."
Why the hell would I go to a shooting range when I could go to school and do it for free?
How does the cop respond to being called racist?
He said, "How can I be racist? My wife's eyes [are] black."
A pedophile and a priest run a race.
You can’t beat yourself in a race!
Why do rappers make terrible pirates?
Because they’re always DROPPING HOOKS!
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels!"
Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.
Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.
Q. What happens when a pedophile spills his coffee? A. It leaves an EP-stain.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Jeffrey Epstein?
Only difference between Michael and Jeffrey is Epstein wasn't a smooth criminal, and Michael was.