Crime jokes
What do a turtle and a pedophile have in common?
They both try to get there before the hair does.
Who’s more excited than a kid on his birthday?
Jimmy Savile in a primary school playground.
Bank owner: If you want to start a bank account, I need your name.
Guy: Robin
Bank owner: Your last name?
Guy: Debank
Bank owner: Robin Debank?
Guy: Put your hands up and give me all the money!
Why do women buy clothes from the kids section? Because rapists prey on the weak.
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and a pedophile?
One is Catholic and the other is a priest.
My grandpa's last words were, "Why is there a body in my kitchen?"
No witnesses.
How do you get your appeal for rape charges accepted? Say you were expressing your desire for a woman, which is protected under the Constitution in freedom of expression.
There's a new game in the arcade where kids can hit raging paedophiles with a mallet: Whack-A-Jack, oh!
What is the difference between a hoe's birth Daddy and her pimp Daddy?
The first daddy plants the seed in a cunt, and the second reaps the harvest from the cunt.
I walked into a store, and I pointed a stick to the roof and said, "This is a stick up!"
One of the students reported a school shooting.
That fucking snitch...
There's a new cooking programme on BBC1. The contestants are victims of domestic violence. It's called "Can't Cook... Right Hook."
When you have to get your prostate checked and you can feel the cold rubber of the glove, but you realize both the doctor's hands are on your shoulders.
Donald Trump didn't build a wall because he likes going to islands to touch little girls.
ICE and ISIS have similar first syllables. Coincidence? I think not!
What do you do after you rape a deaf girl?
Cut off her fingers so she can't tell anyone.
VOTING FINAL This vote is for the best School Shooter joke of the month.
LIKE: When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.
DISLIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.
Vote for the better joke and the Joke of the Month will be announced in the comments tomorrow.
OK, there are at least 3 pedophiles in your neighborhood.
But there are no pedophiles in my neighborhood; there are only three 10-year-old girls with juicy asses.
How do you kill a sheep?
You lamb shank it!
How do you make a body disappear?
You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!
P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.