Crime jokes
What is the difference between an orphan and a robber?
One is wanted.
Why do orphans like pedos? Because they have someone to call "daddy."
Your mother is so fast, she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of crack.
What do you call the Gray Man in an electric chair? Fried Fish.
How did the coke seller react when someone told him a joke?
He CRACKed up.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
He wiped his ass.
Welcome to David's Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em!
Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?
It took my sole.
Did you hear about the Boston marathon? 'Cause, well, I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away!
What would you call a person who hides in a house for 24 hours and then kills them?
Morgz.
Why did the MOSFET go to jail?
It had a charge for battery.
What do James Doyle and Hannah Doyle have in common?
John fucked them both in the rear.
What do you say when you wake up to the police trying to arrest you?
“C'mon, did ya really think I’d resist arrest?”
I knew this one guy who liked to swim with the fishes, then the mob got a hold of 'em...
Why don’t pedophiles win races?
They like to come in a little behind.
Woman gets pulled over by a cop.
Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"
Lady: "No, officer."
Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"
Lady: "Just water, officer."
Cop: "Looks like wine to me."
Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"
I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."
"But why?" I replied.
"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.
"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.
If you're ever bored, just rape an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents!
Hahaha come on people, they don't have parents, we can do what we like with them...
Rape...hurt...and sell them!
What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.
I was finally released from jail a year after I beat up someone on New Year’s Eve.
Don’t blame me for being suspicious of an Arabian counting down from ten.