Crime jokes
How do you make a plumber sad?
You kill his family.
What is a pedophile's favorite song?
Jerking off in A minor.
One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles.
The cops arrived and arrested the woman for killing her cheating husband, and the son was sent to child services. (Moral - no one cares about the frkn snail and turtles!)
"Bippidy boppidy boo! Bill Cosby is coming for you!"
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
Someone threw a cup at my eye. I told 911 that I was mugged.
What’s the relationship between a pedophile and a light bulb? They're both meant for dark rooms.
What do you get when you cross a pedophile and an elementary school? Predator 3.
What do you call a pansexual pedophile? Jesus.
"Bippity Boppity Boop! Bill Cosby's coming for you!"
Son: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
Dad: "Yes, we arson."
Friend: Why did you touch me?
Me: That guy in the corner with no hair, glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
What did Julius say when he saw a woman stealing an expensive chandelier?
“Guards! Seize her (Caesar)!”
Why did the pedo cross the road?
To get to the pre-school on the other side.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd get in the van if I were you...
I bought a gun from Walmart today. I guess they knew what I was going to do with it, because when I pulled the gun on the cashier, I realized the firing mechanism was in reverse.
I don't like to use the word "kidnapping". So I just use the term: "surprise adoption."
7 little children gathered around the bed Bill Cosby's fantasy.
All he wants to do is tickle the kids, it's as plain as can be.
7 cellmates gathered around the bed ready to rape Bill Cosby instead.
How old are you...? I don’t give a shit, stfu and get in ma van.
“NO NO NO”
I’ll give you some candy.
“Oh ok🤩”
Is crummy bears alright??