Crime jokes
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and a pedophile?
One is Catholic and the other is a priest.
Ever heard of a rape victim with Alzheimers? Yeah, neither have they.
What was a pedophile's hardest thing? Fitting in!
What does a kid and wine have in common?
Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.
Did you hear about the four foot tall psychic who escaped prison?
He's a small medium at large.
An assassin is about to shoot his target, "I'm about to give you the JFK experience."
What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hoe? A hoe can wash her crack and sell it again.
They laughed at my crayon drawing.
So I laughed at their chalk outline.
Roses are red, my name is Dan...
TDM, I have a gun, GET IN THE VAN!
Do you know why I hate pedophiles? They are fucking immature kids!
What's the difference between a Black person and a white person?
Black people don't shoot up schools.
I was fucking this girl, and I started to make her cry.
She mumbled things and squirmed, but I couldn't hear her through the gag I put in her mouth.
What’s the definition of a pedophile, Tyler?
Why did the guitar teacher get arrested?
He fingered a minor.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?
The prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.
The bakery where I work is being robbed. I said to the people, "I am calling the police." Then I realized they did not come for the money; they came for the bread. Huh, go figure!
What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?
An outlaw is wanted.
Q: What's red and screams?
A: A peeled baby in a bag of salt.
My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse, but I beat her to it.
Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.