Crime jokes
My sister said, "Daddy can you pass the salt?" So I raped her.
I was at my boyfriend's house, and I thought he was cheating on me. He was on the phone with somebody, and he said he'd be over there soon. So I asked him if I could see his phone. He said no, and then we fought about it until I saw his gun, and because I thought he was lying to me, I shot him, went through his phone, and his friend was still on the phone.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife?
A heartless killer.
Why couldn't the chicken cross the road? Why couldn't the pervert cross the road? Because his dick was in the chicken's ass!
Pedophiles don't win races because they like to come in a little behind.
Why did the person go to jail?
He committed a crime.
I say 1, 2, 3, all the kids bullied me, but now they're not so cool, cuz I shot up the school.
"Sweet victory" fans: Fuck the NFL. They should be disbanded!
Harvey Weinstein: I raped five girls, and the NFL was one of them.
What is the hardest part about being a pedophile? Fitting in.
Riddle: A man killed his wife in his car with a knife, and no one could see him. He threw the body out of the car and threw the knife off a cliff. When he got home, the cops called the man and told him his wife was dead and to come to the scene of the crime. The man agreed and rushed to the scene. When he got there, the cops immediately arrested him. Why?
ANSWER: The cops never said where the scene of the crime is.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it got mugged.
A priest and a pedophile walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey Jim!"
I went to school and everyone was screaming and looking at me. They weren't after I shot them, though.
Don't you just want to go on a mass murder while listening to goodbye Moonman? Oh, just me... OK.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 was a registered *sex* offender.
A rapist walks into a school and asks if they had 5 year olds in the school, and the teacher replies, "Are you that same person who took Jimmy?"
The man replies, "Yes," and the teacher says, "Take Susie too; she's being a little bitch."
What did Pepper say to Spray?
"Hey Spray, I'm Pepper, and I think we should fight crime!"
I stepped on a cornflake. They accused me of being a serial killer.
Why did the skeleton run away from the crime scene?
He didn't have the guts to see it.
Will: Let's bring Hannibal a gift today!
Beverly: Yeah, I bet he’d love that!
Will: Yey!
Beverly: What should we bring him?
Will: *holds up a bucket and knife with an insane looking smile* Come in the bucket!