Crime jokes
What’s the difference between Jesus and the toddler in my basement?
Jesus died a virgin.
How many babies does it take to paint the walls red?
Depends how hard you throw them.
How do you break up blind people in a fight? Scream, "I put my money on the guy with the knife!"
A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands money.
Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."
The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly.
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"
A pirate walks into a tavern with a pirate ship attached to his nutty wuttys. It's driving me nuts!
A troll proceeds to pull out a desert eagle and shoot the pirate in the face. He makes a poggers face and says, "Problem??"
I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
I got the joke from my brother.
Trump can get banned. The cops can tack him to jail, and Trump go go go go bye bye for good. Trump is meing.
What would you name a detective if he didn't already have a name?
Cassie.
Get it?
I went to my local shooting range today but was surprised to see that the news reported a school shooting there. I still don't know who snitched...
I went to my local shooting range today but was surprised when I saw on the news that there was a school shooting in my shooting range. I don't know who snitched...
Why is a white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?
The white guy actually did it.
What's a pedophile's favorite part of Halloween? Free delivery.
What's the difference between a Lambo and 200 children in my basement? One screams; the children don't.
What do a bullet and a police officer have in common?
When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.
I was walking to the park and a mystery killer came and shot me.
It may be weird to let people smell your hair, but grab the phone as soon as the dwarf says your hair smells nice.
what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?
I don't bowl.
Incest. A game the whole family can play.
What do you call a short fortune-teller that escaped from jail?
A small medium at large.
Why do I call my priest daddy?
Because he raped my mom when she was 13. She's 27 now.