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Crime

Crime jokes

The police told everyone to put their hands up, and the police were having fun waving their hands around.

A robber held up a depressed kid at gun point.

The depressed kid took the gun, and said, "I'll do it myself."

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    • What do Miss Reeves and Michael Jackson have in common?

    They both have a touchy feeling for kids.

    Gwen: Hi sir, how are you?

    Tj: Good... you?

    Gwen: I am super duper good! And where is your date? It seems like you need one 😉!

    Tj: 😏.

    Gwen: Here, this is your guest hall pass...you may...come in my friend!

    Tj: Thanks but um, don't you think you should be um getting inside too?

    Gwen: 🙁 No thanks sir but I have to work...I am the staff so bye! 😁.

    Tj: NO!!!!!!

    1 day later.

    Gwen: 🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤰🤰🤰👩‍👧‍👦

    Rape is so outdated, but when you pay them money, it is a popular date!

    Person: So you know that person's name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dead.

    Friend: Yeah, John Wilkes Booth.

    Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln?

    Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot!

    Serial murderer Ed Gein was famed for raping, killing, and skinning his victims.

    When he was asked why he did it, he responded, "You don't know someone until you walk around in their skin."

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    • There are times I miss you, that I wish I could remember where I hid your body.

    I got raped when I was 5 in my princess pajamas by my dad. Nobody laughed at these jokes; they just cried.

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    • Robber 1: *gets shot in ass*

    Robber 2: You have to shit in a bag for life lol.

    Robber 1: What, the Tesco or Asda one?

    When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say, “This boy always had a fat ass.”

    Why did the robber take a shower before his robbery?

    So he could make a clean getaway!