Crime jokes
Roses are red, I have free candy, get in my van, I have a gun handy.
Roses are red.
I have free candy. Get in my van. I have free candy!
What is a kidnapper's favorite shoe?
White Vans.
Why did the gorilla leave the mafia headquarters for good?
If you're ever bored, just rape an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents!
Hahaha come on people, they don't have parents, we can do what we like with them...
Rape...hurt...and sell them!
When you are sleeping in class and the shooter sees you, then they wake you up and say, "Let’s team up," like, what the f*ck?
When the school shooter shoots the autistic kid and he thinks he's having an orgasm.
There will be no school shooter joke today in honor of the 10 people killed in the Colorado grocery store shooting. R.I.P.
The police told everyone to put their hands up, and the police were having fun waving their hands around.
A robber held up a depressed kid at gun point.
The depressed kid took the gun, and said, "I'll do it myself."
What do Miss Reeves and Michael Jackson have in common?
They both have a touchy feeling for kids.
Gwen: Hi sir, how are you?
Tj: Good... you?
Gwen: I am super duper good! And where is your date? It seems like you need one 😉!
Tj: 😏.
Gwen: Here, this is your guest hall pass...you may...come in my friend!
Tj: Thanks but um, don't you think you should be um getting inside too?
Gwen: 🙁 No thanks sir but I have to work...I am the staff so bye! 😁.
Tj: NO!!!!!!
1 day later.
Gwen: 🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤰🤰🤰👩👧👦
If a midget says your hair smells nice, is that sexual assault?
Rape is so outdated, but when you pay them money, it is a popular date!
Person: So you know that person's name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dead.
Friend: Yeah, John Wilkes Booth.
Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln?
Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot!
Serial murderer Ed Gein was famed for raping, killing, and skinning his victims.
When he was asked why he did it, he responded, "You don't know someone until you walk around in their skin."
There are times I miss you, that I wish I could remember where I hid your body.
I got raped when I was 5 in my princess pajamas by my dad. Nobody laughed at these jokes; they just cried.
What did Santa Claus get Paris Hilton for Christmas?
He raped her.
Robber 1: *gets shot in ass*
Robber 2: You have to shit in a bag for life lol.
Robber 1: What, the Tesco or Asda one?