Crime jokes
A woman buys a house, but she doesn't know what to name the house, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Hairy butt," so she named the house Hairy Butt.
The next month she had a baby, but she didn't know what to name him, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Crack," so she named the baby Crack.
After a year or two she lost him, so she called the police and said, "Help! I looked all over my hairy butt, but I couldn't find my little crack."
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
He wiped his ass.
Jasper doesn't like little girls and Bin Laden.
What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?
A prostitute only has one crack, and has to wash it and sell it again.
What does the orphan have in common with Batman? They both lost their parents.
First Date: HE: "I work with animals every day!" SHE: "Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?" HE: "I’m a butcher." SHE: "Perfect! I work with humans, I just kill them by cutting them up!"
HE: "So it's you in the newspaper?" SHE: "Yes, it was, wanna be next?" HE: "No!"
In Israel, they chop convicted rapists' balls off. Sure glad I don't live in Israel.
Did you hear about the kidnapping? Yeah, he woke up.
They can't say no if they're unconscious.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Fishes.
Fishes who?
Fishes the police, come out with your hands up!
Rape is not a joke.
The coffee was getting mugged, so it called 911.
Once a naked woman robs a bank, but sadly, no one can remember her face...
When a person went to a restaurant, they died once they were in. Three people were a suspect. Two were suspected because she served the food. Turns out, it was the food!
It's only rape.
If she finds out.
If your wife dies of childbirth, can you press charges on the baby?
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack, then sell it again.
99% of women kiss with their eyes closed, that's why it's so hard to identify the rapist.
I bought some sneakers from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day.
You ever hear of a reverse exorcism?
It's where the devil tells the priest to get out of the child.