Me: So you two girls are from England?
Girls: Wales.
Me: Oh, I see, so you two whales are from England.
Country Jokes
What do you call a country with nukes?
Abomination.
What is the real name of Canada?
Punjabistan
What’s the world’s most diseased country?
GerMany.
Question: "You're-a-American" when you're not in the restroom and when you come out of the restroom. What are you when you're in the restroom?
Answer: European (You're-a-peein')
Do the French people smoke weed or oui'd?
A Japanese, Hispanic, and Iraqi man are in a plane. The Japanese man drops a bowl off of it and shouts "I love my country!" Then the Hispanic man drops a burrito off the side and shouts, "I love my country!" Finally, the Iraqi man drops a bomb and shouts, "I love my country!"
Not much longer on, a man walks by a boy who is sitting by a crater laughing non-stop. And the man asks, "What's so funny?" And the boy says "When I farted, my house blew up!"
Three people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from, but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: "Local calls are free."
Was ist der Lieblingssport eines Deutschen?
An American is touring the Soviet Union. A Russian takes him to a school so he can see what it's like. He asks the kids if they like the Soviet Union. All of the kids say yes, they love it. All but one. That kid bursts out crying. The American asks what's wrong, and he cries, "I want to live in the Soviet Union!"
A man had moved to a new country with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there, telling them he wanted his dog to be groomed.
The man behind the counter responded with "yes happy dog, come back in little hours." So the man left and came back a couple hours later. When he asked about his dog, he was given a box of jerky. He found out "Happy Dog" was the name of the place where dogs become food.
What is red, white, and blue and makes me proud to live in this country?
The baby in the corner I choked, stabbed, and then came on.
Person A: Where do you come from?
Person B: Liberia.
Person A: *speaks softer* Oh sorry, do you come from?
Three guys are escaping from North Korea through a tunnel.
The guards know that they are coming and will shoot them with paintball guns as a warning.
The guys show up and the guards shoot them.
The guys die because the guards used real guns.
- What do you call a bee who flew to United States? - "USB"
In a normal country, you call it Yugoslavia.
In Soviet Russia, it's called aregoslavia.
In a normal country, you call it Yugoslavia.
In Soviet Russia, it's called yugostravia.
If you go to the military and you get sent to a country, how many heads will you blow off?
That number is how many dicks you suck.
What's fast and almost got away?
A Mexican jumping the border.
A whale went to the country Wales for vacation.
When it ended, what did he say? "I had a whale of a time!"
Don't bother; just try to live in England.
