Country jokes
When people are ready to die for their country:
Trust the Unionist Party.
Better than Reform.
An astronaut has had a mid-life crisis. He decides to leave everything behind and become a country farmer.
He buys some land and equips himself with everything he needs. The following Monday, he's ready to go with his hoe in hand and is about to walk out the gate, but he can't get through.
Why, you might ask? He's got no arms.
A German, a Swiss, and a Russian make a bet: whoever has the most forest area in their country wins about 10,000 euros.
First, they fly over Switzerland: 8,000 square kilometers of forest. The German starts getting cold feet, as he doesn't think he'll win. Next, they fly over Russia: 50,000 square kilometers of forest. The German realizes he doesn't stand a chance unless he cheats.
When they fly over Germany, they see 10,000 square kilometers of forest. The German seems to have won, but then the Swiss shouts: "That's a tree!" The German was accused of fraud.
The German is furious. He calls the head of the Bundeswehr: "Why did the tree move?!" The boss said, "I'll put the guy who moved on the line," and passed the receiver over.
"Why did you move?" the German asked.
The young man replied: "Okay, when a dog came along and peed on my trunk, that was still fine. But then a bear came along and rubbed against my trunk..."
If African immigrants are supposed to stay in their country, why can't their resources do the same?
How many Bay Street bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
In Toronto? One to hold it up and expect the entire country to revolve around them.
Putin is the only person whose country is bigger than his mind.
Smoking a fag in the UK means to smoke a cigarette.
Smoking a fag in the USA means to kill a homosexual.
What is Mexicans' favorite sport?
Cross-country.
Why can’t the USA play chess?
Because they lost their two towers.
USS Liberty. Never forget.
It was bombed and destroyed by the Israeli airforce. Thirty-four dead, 171 wounded. The official story says “accident,” yet an American flag was clearly visible on the ship.
Motive: An attempt to cut off our foreign intelligence on Israel? Blame the bombing on an Arab country?
Just imagine if any other nation bombed an American ship...
Canada is the Keanu Reeves of countries. Too bad the US is the Kanye West of countries instead of the Dolly Parton of countries.
Iran: Prepare the FINAL SOLUTION.
Israel: And you'll be telling the whole world, "I-RAN AWAY!"
It's a Italy day outside the fields.
109 countries can't be wrong. Watch Europa: The Last Battle.
If the American Dream exists, why is it always filmed in Canada?
When Canadians get hurt, they don't go "ouch," they go "ooch!"
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, flags big plus.
There hasn’t been 3 months of peace in this country since 2019. Jesus, take the wheel.
Why do Black people not like country music?
Because every time they hear "hoedown," they think their sister got shot.
Why were the UK and the USA bad at chess?
Because they lost their queen and two towers.