Competition jokes
How did the USA beat Japan in rapping?
By dropping two of the biggest roasts.
What's the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag?
The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
I was going to watch the origami world championships before it folded.
But it was only on paper view.
Stephen Hawking always wins musical chairs, as he’s always sitting down.
A friend was doing bird puns on me. Then I realized that toucan play at that game.
Chuck Norris and Superman had a bet. The loser had to wear their underwear on their pants.
A man puts in ten jokes into a joke contest. He hopes that at least one will win. Sadly, no pun intended.
And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
There was a recent football match between Ethiopia and Egypt.
Egypt 8, Ethiopia 0.
What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
Why did everyone quit the high school volleyball team? To join Coach Kyle's team, of course!
I lost at Kahoot, so I had to ka-shoot.
Why did the legless kid think he won a race?
Because everybody already left.
Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding got together back in the day for a horse racing venture. Tonya says, "I'll handle the handicapping, you go ride the 3-year-olds."
Two cats called "1,2,3" & "un, deux, trois" had a swimming race across the channel.
1,2,3 cat won because un, deux, trois cat sank!
What's the difference between Arsenal and West Ham?
Arsenal can win trophies and win games.
North Korea and the Martians were fighting about who was going to reach Venus first.
Trump steps in and says, "That doesn't matter, America is going to land on the sun first."
The Martians and North Korea said, "You can't land on the sun, it's too hot and you will die."
Trump said his brilliant plan, "America is going to land there at night."
Why does Mexico never hold the Olympics? Because everyone that can run, jump, and swim is already out of the country.
What's better than winning gold at the Paralympics?
Not being retarded.
What's the similarity between women and car parking spaces? The good ones are always taken, and sometimes when nobody's looking, you slip in the disabled one.