Why did the legless kid think he won a race?
Because everybody already left.
Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding got together back in the day for a horse racing venture. Tonya says, "I'll handle the handicapping, you go ride the 3-year-olds."
Two cats called "1,2,3" & "un, deux, trois" had a swimming race across the channel.
1,2,3 cat won because un, deux, trois cat sank!
What's the difference between Arsenal and West Ham?
Arsenal can win trophies and win games.
North Korea and the Martians were fighting about who was going to reach Venus first.
Trump steps in and says, "That doesn't matter, America is going to land on the sun first."
The Martians and North Korea said, "You can't land on the sun, it's too hot and you will die."
Trump said his brilliant plan, "America is going to land there at night."
Why does Mexico never hold the Olympics? Because everyone that can run, jump, and swim is already out of the country.
What's better than winning gold at the Paralympics?
Not being retarded.
What's the similarity between women and car parking spaces? The good ones are always taken, and sometimes when nobody's looking, you slip in the disabled one.
22 ants were playing football in a saucer.
One ant said to another one, “We'll have to play better tomorrow. We're playing in the cup!”
I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. "What happened to your face?" I asked.
"I'm a Paralympian," he replied.
"Boxing?"
"No, ... hurdles."
Two artists had an art contest. It ended in a draw.
Why was Cinderella banned from playing sports? Because she always ran away from the ball.
My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are... But I laugh more.
The Somalian Olympics Team has just apologized to the Olympic Committee after realizing that sailing and shooting were two separate events.
What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast.
Chuck Norris wins a staring contest. -- Against Medusa.
Why doesn't Mexico compete in the Olympics?
Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump, and swim are in the U.S.
What's the difference between a silver medal and a priest?
They both came in a little behind.
