Comparison jokes
What's the difference between a hooker and a burrito?
I don't eat burritos.
What do a penis and a Rubik's Cube have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
"Do you know the difference between wallpaper and toilet paper?" Replies, "No." "Gross!"
Sometimes when I think I'm ugly, I just think of my sister and it makes me feel better.
What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!
What do an orphan's parents and the Predator have in common?
They are both invisible.
Your forehead is so clear, like the Liberty Bell manual in 1876.
I like my coffee like I like my women.
Big tits.
What do noodles and women have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them.
Roses are red, Your blood is too. You look like a monkey and belong in a zoo.
Do not worry, I will be there too, Not in a cage but laughing at you!
Your forehead is so big, I thought you were Megamind for a second there.
You look like a burger.
What is the difference between a retard and a zombie anyway?
They’re always hungry and shuffle around aimlessly, moaning... Oh, and it takes a bullet in the forehead to put them both down.
Uh!!!
What’s the difference between a firefighter and Snoop Dogg?
Snoop Dogg inhaled less smoke during 9/11.
What did Schrödinger say to Shakespeare?
"To be and not to be."
Yo forehead so big it makes Megamind's forehead small.
Your forehead is so big, Megamind thought he was your long lost sibling.
What’s the comparison of an emo and a highlighter?
You can pop their head off.
What is the difference between a rock and my girlfriend?
One is rock hard, and the other is Dwayne Johnson.
What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer? The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common? They both used their brains to paint the walls.