Comparison jokes

What's the difference between a hooker and a burrito?

I don't eat burritos.

The Twin Towers collapsed faster than my grandma did.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought Voldemort was ugly, but then I met you.

"Do you know the difference between wallpaper and toilet paper?" Replies, "No." "Gross!"

Sometimes when I think I'm ugly, I just think of my sister and it makes me feel better.

What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!

What do an orphan's parents and the Predator have in common?

They are both invisible.

Your forehead is so clear, like the Liberty Bell manual in 1876.

I like my coffee like I like my women.

Big tits.

FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.

Roses are red, Your blood is too. You look like a monkey and belong in a zoo.

Do not worry, I will be there too, Not in a cage but laughing at you!

Your forehead is so big, I thought you were Megamind for a second there.

You look like a burger.

What is the difference between a retard and a zombie anyway?

They’re always hungry and shuffle around aimlessly, moaning... Oh, and it takes a bullet in the forehead to put them both down.

Uh!!!

What’s the difference between a firefighter and Snoop Dogg?

Snoop Dogg inhaled less smoke during 9/11.

Yo forehead so big it makes Megamind's forehead small.

What did Schrödinger say to Shakespeare?

"To be and not to be."

Your forehead is so big, Megamind thought he was your long lost sibling.

What’s the comparison of an emo and a highlighter?

You can pop their head off.

I am not a nerd ;). I'm just smarter than you.