Comparison jokes

I am not a nerd ;). I'm just smarter than you.

Roses are red, just like your lips.

Mountains are big, just like your tits.

What's the difference between a cat and a human? About 500 bullets.

What's the difference between a Demon and a Redhead?

The Demon at least has a trade offer.

I was riding ya mom... LIKE SHE’S MARIO KART!

What does a woman’s pussy and a chainsaw have in common?

Miss by a few inches and you’re in deep shit.

What does an eighty-year-old woman have in between her boobs that a twenty-year-old woman doesn't?

A belly button.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

120 pounds.

Your teeth are so yellow, when you smile, you put the sun out of business.

When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:

Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?

God, you’re having a good day?

Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.

Why is emo grass better than normal grass?

Emo grass is gonna cut themself.

Your hairline is so far back, it makes the Giant from Clash of Clans jealous!

One person said you are much more beautiful than Cinderella. The next day, you're in court and Cinderella is the witness.

(P.S. she was born to be a drama queen.)

What’s the difference between a WNBA player and a rotten apple? The apple has a chance to make it into the basket.

The cashew called the peanut boring.

The peanut felt very unsalted.

I thought the Sahara was the largest desert until I saw your forehead.

Your mom is so fat, when she swam in the sea, Wales came up to her and said, "We are family, even now you’re fatter than me."

What's the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage :|

Yo, hairline looking like a flight trajectory path.