Comparison jokes

What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?

I can't jump off a burrito.

What's the difference between an asshole and a freezer?

The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

Roses are red, violets are blue, but at least a dumptruck isn't as ugly as you.

My daughter is the most adorable little girl in the world. She's got my sister's eyes.

What does my dad and the Twin Towers have in common? They used to be with us, now it's just a sensitive topic.

What's the difference between a gay guy and a microwave? The microwave doesn't brown the meat.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue.

God made me pretty, what happened to you?

Simplest way to tell if dogs are better than cats: My dog is named Curiosity, and your cat is dead.

No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.

Girls are like blackjack; you shoot for 21, but I keep hitting 14.

Roses are red, Violets are fine. Why is your life So much better than mine?

I'm going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I'm a piñata.

Girls are like volcanoes.

You never know when they will erupt.

What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be saying, "ten babies in one trashcan." Morbid humor would be saying, "one baby in ten trashcans."

A condom and bungee jumping are exactly alike, if the rubber breaks, you're f**ked.

Tada mun ang hai jiwain taage naal khota bania Honda ae.

Your mama's so fat, I don’t know if it is a hippo or not.

What is the difference between a prisoner and an orphan?

One of them is wanted.

My penis is big and long, what else is... my condom... cucumber.

Science teacher: How many times can the earth fit into the sun?

Me: As many times as the earth can fit into you.