Comparison jokes

Yo, your hairline so messed up God said your hairline on the cross getting hit on that cross.

Your mama's so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it said, "To be continued."

Yo momma's armpits are so hairy, it looks like she's got Buckwheat in a headlock.

I got jealous when my phone died.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I thank God I'm not as ugly as you.

"Trust falling" with a bridge is more trustworthy than me.

What makes Stephen Hawking and your dumped girlfriend similar?

They can't stand up for themselves.

I got the new phone with longer lasting battery, but it still lasts longer than your relationships, ooooooooooo!

Vaginas are like onions. They have lots of layers to get through.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Shrek thought he was ugly until he saw you.

What’s the difference between an orphan and a flower?

One is beautiful.

Ex-bf's gf: You're so ugly as hell.

Me: Oh, did I mention that I was trying to be you?

Roses are red, violets are blue, but at least a dumptruck isn't as ugly as you.

The only difference between my grandma and the twin towers is that they collapsed faster than my grandma.

Your forehead is so big, I thought it was a brick wall.

My mom went to take out the trash, but I couldn't find you.

What's the difference between Adolf Hitler and Usain Bolt?

Usain Bolt finished the races.

What's the difference between school and Hell?

There is no difference.

You have a head of a Malteser and a hairline VEGTA.

Your balls are so big, when people see you at the market, they think it's watermelon.