Comparison jokes

What's the difference between anal and oral sex?

An and Or!

I still remember the third of December, me in your sweater. You said it looked better on me than it did you. Only if you knew how much I liked you. But I watch your eyes as she walks by. What a sight for sore eyes, Brighter than the blue sky. She's got you mesmerized while I die. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. Wish I were Heather. Watch as she stands with her, holding your hand. Put your arm 'round her shoulder, now I'm getting colder. But how could I hate her, she's such an angel. But then again, kinda wish she were dead as she walks by. What a sight for sore eyes. Brighter than the blue sky. She's got you mesmerized while I die. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. I wish I were Heather. Oh, I wish I were Heather. Oh, oh, wish I were Heather. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. Wish I were-

What’s the difference between Juice WRLD and George Floyd?

Nothing, they both can’t breathe.

What’s the difference between a penis and a golf ball?

A penis always goes in the hole.

What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?

A cat has claws at the end of paws; a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.

Yo, your hairline so messed up God said your hairline on the cross getting hit on that cross.

Your mama's so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it said, "To be continued."

Yo momma's armpits are so hairy, it looks like she's got Buckwheat in a headlock.

I got jealous when my phone died.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I thank God I'm not as ugly as you.

"Trust falling" with a bridge is more trustworthy than me.

What makes Stephen Hawking and your dumped girlfriend similar?

They can't stand up for themselves.

I got the new phone with longer lasting battery, but it still lasts longer than your relationships, ooooooooooo!

Vaginas are like onions. They have lots of layers to get through.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Shrek thought he was ugly until he saw you.

What’s the difference between an orphan and a flower?

One is beautiful.

Ex-bf's gf: You're so ugly as hell.

Me: Oh, did I mention that I was trying to be you?

Roses are red, violets are blue, but at least a dumptruck isn't as ugly as you.

The only difference between my grandma and the twin towers is that they collapsed faster than my grandma.

Your forehead is so big, I thought it was a brick wall.