Comparison jokes
What's the difference between a Demon and a Redhead?
The Demon at least has a trade offer.
I was riding ya mom... LIKE SHE’S MARIO KART!
What does a woman’s pussy and a chainsaw have in common?
Miss by a few inches and you’re in deep shit.
What does an eighty-year-old woman have in between her boobs that a twenty-year-old woman doesn't?
A belly button.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
120 pounds.
What do Hitler and Trump have in common? They both do hand gestures.
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
What's the difference between a guy and a woman? They fall from different heights.
What's the difference between you and my dad? You come home.
What's the difference between a golfer and a fisherman? A fisherman has to bring proof back.
Q: Why does Pewdiepie prefer knives over guns?
A: Because knives don't have barrels.
What's the difference between a speed bump and a road kill?
About 40 mph.
Yo mama so fat when she walks the earth talks!
LMAO
Your hairline be looking like the Great Recession.
Say this to your significant other (or your weird friends!)
Are you an unsafe staircase? 'Cause you look like you could use a railing.
What’s the difference between a life and a nuclear bomb?
I don’t have a life.
What's the difference between a McDonald's and the Twin Towers?
McDonald's has a drive-thru.
Ur mom was so fat that even Jon Brower Minnoch was ten times less fat.
One person said you are much more beautiful than Cinderella. The next day, you're in court and Cinderella is the witness.
(P.S. she was born to be a drama queen.)