Comparison jokes
I am not a nerd ;). I'm just smarter than you.
What's the difference between a Demon and a Redhead?
The Demon at least has a trade offer.
What does an eighty-year-old woman have in between her boobs that a twenty-year-old woman doesn't?
A belly button.
I was riding ya mom... LIKE SHE’S MARIO KART!
What does a woman’s pussy and a chainsaw have in common?
Miss by a few inches and you’re in deep shit.
What do Hitler and Trump have in common? They both do hand gestures.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
120 pounds.
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."
Something you can say about your furniture, but not your partner: "Those legs sure hold a lot of weight."
What’s the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One kneels for salvation.
The other kneels with salivation.
What's the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One is glowing and the other is blowing.
Luke looks like Big Chungus and Fat Sonic.
Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that always comes out of your mouth?
What’s the difference between a fly and Lady Diana?
The sound when they hit the windshield.
What’s the difference between Swifties and rap fans?
One rap fan has a higher IQ than every Swiftie combined.
What do Drew Bledsoe and the Twin Towers have in common?
They both got taken out by two jets.
Roses are red, Violets are fine. Why is your life So much better than mine?
What's the difference between your new girlfriend and a tornado? At first, there is a lot of blowing, and then your house will be gone.
I like my women how I like my coffee... HOT.
Roses are red, Velvet is blue, So are violets.