Cellar jokes

I like my women like I like my wine, twelve years old, in the basement, and locked up.

Max likes his girls like he likes his wine. 7 years old and locked in his basement.

What does a kid and wine have in common?

Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.

Apparently, rock bottom has a basement.... :\

I like my dates like I like my wine...

Locked in a cellar and aged for 12 years.

What do you call a basement full of SJW's?

A whine cellar.

What's black and sits on the bottom of the stairs to the cellar?

Steven Hawking where the experiments went wrong.

Americans prefer houses with basements. In fact, they're best cellars!

What’s a rapper’s favorite part of the house?

The rhyme cellar.

A burglar breaks into the home of a weapons engineer. He wants to steal some of his weapons from his strictly secured chamber. When he breaks in through the window to go into his weapons cellar, he realizes that the inventor is at home and heard him from upstairs.

The burglar shouts, "Hands up, there is no escape!" The engineer shouts, "What do you want from me?" The thief answers impatiently, "Well, what do you think? I know what you're hiding here. Get me entry to your armory, right away!" "Never in my life will I do that!" The burglar pulls out his pistol, "Either you let me in, or you go for it!"

"Well, I'll give up, I'll give you my guns. Please don't shoot me." The burglar grins gleefully, "Thank you." "I even have a gun here that I've been working on lately. You can have it." The burglar then thinks and grunts, "Okay, before you open up, you'll show me this first!"

The inventor says, "It's shooting plasma. You can test it on one of my practice goals that I've made while I'm unlocking," and points to a side room where various dummies with targets are set up. The burglar walks into the room with the targets, focuses on the red dot in the middle of the disc, and pushes off. But the gun does not fire plasma or at the target. Instead, the gun fires a bullet at the burglar. This causes him to bleed to the ground.

The engineer behind him began to laugh, "Hahaha! I knew you were falling for it! This is not a plasma gun at all; this is my latest invention, especially for burglars like you: the backward-shooting pistol."

What is an orphan's favorite beer?

"Fosters."

I like my girls how I like my wine, 12 years locked in the basement.

A priest was driving down the road when a cop pulled him over.

The cop asked him if he had anything to drink. The priest said just water.

The cop said, "Then why can I smell wine?"

The priest said, "Good Lord, it happened again!"