Comedy jokes
What’s long, green, and smells like bacon?
Kermit the frog’s fingers.
I’m not saying you’re going bald, but you’ll find Waldo before you find your hairline.
I would have a joke for my friend... but he can't afford the punchline.
What do eggs like doing on stage?
Cracking jokes!
Why is it so punny when Sans tells a joke in the evening?
Because a SANSET is happening.
My favourite new meme is The Wopmutt Meme. The wopmutt meme grew in popularity because it's based, true, and funny.
When my dog starts to bark, he starts to get ruff.
All my jokes are cries for help.
INCLUDING THIS ONE.
(insert funny joke about a dick here).
Did you laugh? Be honest.
Q. Why aren't jokes about bulimia funny?
A. They're just in bad taste.
What's the difference between an ISIS militant base and a Pakistani children's school?
I don't know, I just fly the drone.
If you don't like my suicidal jokes, sorry man, didn't know it cut that deep.
Lol, these jokes have been heard millions of times.
Little Jimmy was in the shower singing "Dame Tu Cosita," and her mom heard it and went to the shower, and Jimmy's mom saw Jimmy wearing a bathing suit in the shower, and Jimmy yells "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP!"
I left my dog at home once, and when I came home it was a mess. Let's just say I was in a RUFF situation.
Penis.
Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.
The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"
What's the best thing about abortion jokes? They never get old.
Which dog is owned by a kid called "Charlie Brown," raps, and smokes?
Snoopy Dog.
How did the coke seller react when someone told him a joke?
He CRACKed up.
There's a new horror movie about Stephen Hawking.
It's called "Unplugged!"