Comedy jokes
What do you call a chill transgender?
Fictional.
How did you get Sally into a blender?
- Without much resistance.
How do you get Sally out of a blender?
- Tortilla chips.
A man runs into a church and shouts, "Are there any dwarf nuns in the monastery?" The Pope said no, causing the man to say to his friend, "I told you you fucked a penguin!"
What do orphans and olden day actors have in common?
Both get food thrown at them some of the time.
Some dude called me a tool.
So later I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.
Guess he was right :/
What did the banana say to the peel?
“Let’s split!”
Johnny: Why do cuss words exist?
Mom: That's not something you should think about right now. I'll tell you when you're older.
|| 20 YEARS LATER ||
Johnny: Mom, now can you tell me why cuss words exist?
Mom: Because some people invented them so that they could use them when something annoying happened to them.
Johnny: Damn, Mom, you shoulda told me that when I was still seven 'cause now I really feel like that person.
Dead baby jokes never get old...
That joke and paper have one thing in common: they're both tearable.
Did you hear about the dyslexic wanna-be bank robber? He walked in and yelled, "HANDS UP, THIS IS A MOTHER STICKING F##K UP!" The lucky idiot got away because nobody could stop laughing!
They finally made a movie about a clock, about time.
God: (creating elephants) Make it big.
Angel: How big?
God: As big as my d--
Angel: Whoa!
God: Fine, 10 feet tall.
Angel: That's big bu--
God: Put a long thing on its face.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack! 🤣😂🤣
Bro, stop. You guys are saying the same jokes over and over. If you're gonna tell a 9/11 joke, just go laugh about the Great Thumps.
What sort of movies do cows like to watch?
Moosicals!
I'm autistic, and I find these so funny.
I hate 9/11 jokes... They always crash and burn, like, dude, it's not funny?
Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. I have too many problems.
I was gonna tell a joke about a dead fetus, but I decided to abort it.
What did the flower say to the crazy peanut?
"Ur going nuts boii, get back on yo' plant. Ur too nuts for me."