Comedy jokes
What's so bad about 9 divided by 11?
Why did the skeleton want a friend?
Because she was feeling bonely.
If there was a quiz on midgets, here’s the Midget quiz and the questions that would be on it:
1. When midgets get high on any drug, do they get high or medium?
2. Do midgets come out the closet or the cabinet?
3. Are Midgets related to Snow White’s 7 Dwarfs?
4. Is a midget just a human without the mushroom in Mario?
5. Was this funny?
Q. Why aren't midget jokes funny?
A. They always seem to punch down.
What type of comedy can't Steven Hawking do?
Stand-up comedy.
Why did God steal a rib from Adam and make a woman out of it?
God wanted to show that nothing sensible can come of stealing!
I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it would probably go up in flames.
You’ve got something on your face. Wait, no, it’s just missing something. My dick.
What’s worse than running with scissors?
Scissoring with the runs!
Ever since we started quarantining, I've only been telling inside jokes.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon....I'll let you know.
What comes after 69?
Period.
What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?
Getting her husband's voice just right.
Who is the least young Dave?
Dave-on.
What’s something Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger have in common?
Once you fall asleep, you’re fucked.
Your hair is receding more than people do when they smell you.
I'd make a joke about the chin bones, but y'all couldn't mandle it.
My friend looks more red than Mr. Krabs.
It’s weird, I could’ve sworn I saw the silhouette of a belt hurling towards him the other day.
God, you’re having a good day?
Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.
Your hairline goes so far back it looks like it got slapped back by Will Smith.