My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest with a rabid wolf.
Comedy Jokes
Robin Hood [hands over stolen fortune]: here you are, my poor friend.
Friend: Wow thanks, I'm rich!
Robin [narrows eyes]: You're what?
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.
What's the Pixar movie close to being a pornstar? Toy Story... *I got a friend in me*
Mom: I'm getting you a dog!
Me: OMG REALLY?!
Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?
Me:...
Me: Bitch, please.
What’s the difference between an orphan and Pikachu?
Pikachu, I choose you!
So, a few hours ago my friend said I need to CUT it out with the s/h jokes... like... it's really not that deep?
If you’ve got depression, then your life is a joke. Everyone laughs at both.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Spell.
Spell who?
W. H. O.
Guys, we should not make fun of 9/11. Like, that stuff is just plain out crazy. Like, you all should not let that fly.
I was going to make a rape joke, but I don’t think you would’ve given me consent.
What do parents and dark humor have in common? Not everyone gets them.
What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite pasta?
Spaghett-hehe.
Two Asian people have a black baby.
Something wrong.
Which dog is owned by a kid called "Charlie Brown," raps, and smokes?
Snoopy Dog.
I don't know what to write here, just like...
Adam and Eve are going through the garden when Adam suddenly says, "What race are we?"
Eve responds with, "Ask God, he will tell you." So Adam goes over to a hill and asks, "God, what race are we?"
God says, "You are what you are."
Adam goes back to Eve and says, "We are white." Eve asks how he knew that. Adam responds with, "If we were black, he would have said 'you is what you is'."
I was gonna make a joke about sex, but you won’t get it.
What do you call a person on fire in a wheelchair?
Hot wheels!
What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
The picture gets hung with one nail, not two.
