Comedy jokes
Chris Rock: Jada, I can't wait to see you in G.I. Jane 2!
Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song starts playing:
Will: "I got in one lil' fight about my wife's lost hair, she said, 'Will, if you don't do something I'm gonna have an affair!'" 😂😂😂
I was telling the emo kid emo jokes, and I couldn’t read them because I was laughing too hard. I almost cut the emo kid. He wasn’t laughing at the jokes.
Guess why a lot of orphans were in "Home Alone"? Because their family left them.
"Black midget porn is in 911."
What is the difference between the President of Ukraine and the President of the United States?
The President of Ukraine is a comedian, and the President of the United States is a joke!
Why does dark humor love orphans? Because the humor killed their parents.
We shouldn't joke about rape, because rape is no laughing matter...
Unless you're being raped by a clown.
Person 1: Stop making suicidal jokes!
Person 2: Okay, okay, I’ll cut it out.
Person 1: Really?
Person 2: They're not even that deep.
Me: Wanna hear a joke?
Person: Sure.
Me: Never mind, I was gonna say my life, but my life isn't a joke! Jokes have meaning.
Person: Dear God...
So I walk into a bar, and there’s people waiting in line to punch me in the face.
That’s the punch line.
What's the difference between Clark Kent and chicken noodle?
One is Super. The other is just soup.
Dark humor is like pussy: whining bitches don't get it.
I bet you like men!
If someone told me to bring up 9/11, they were trying to make a funny joke, but it didn't work.
That one really *crashed and burned*.
This is a short joke! This short joke is long. Nice joke, Mr. Steve.
What's the difference between a dad and an Emo?
They both don't last a while.
My friend who is in a wheelchair told me a joke, and I burst out laughing. I told him he should be a stand-up comedian.
One day there was a frantic call at the fire department:
"Help me, help me! There is a cat meowing nearby. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you help me, and send the fire squad right away?"
"Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax and wait until he leaves."
"You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!"
"Cats aren’t venomous or in any other way dangerous, now who is calling?"
"I’m Indy's parrot you twit! Now help me! Please help, please help!"
My friend in a wheelchair tells a funny joke.
I resist the urge to say that he should become a stand-up comedian.
This joke is so funny, I'll bet you greened (grinned).