Comedian jokes
I was a sit-down comedian, then I tried to stand up. I fell.
I wished I stayed in the wheelchair.
bradley
What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?
They don’t cook because they love eating out.
- I think you're EGGcellent.
+ Wow... You really CRACK ME UP with that joke. I think you're a EGGxtraordinary comedian.
- Really? Are you done yet?.
+ Are you kidding? I have a DOZEN of them.
What do you call a black comedian?
Dark Humor.
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
What do you call a stand-up comedian if the comedian doesn’t have legs?
Jimmy does stand up comedy. He says, "What do you call an orangutan?"
Jake replies, "YOU!" Then everyone, including the teacher, laughs. Jimmy cries.
LOL
Wait, isn't this Sans' job to make a joke?
Trying to make jokes in 2020-2021 be like:
Comedian: "When she went in front of the TV, it took an hour till you could see the screen again."
Audience: "Why you gotta be so offensive?"
Comedian: "I'm not tr-"
Audience: "Oh, so now you're trying to debate?"
Comedian: "I-"
Audience: "Now you're acting racist?!"
A very rich and famous comedian walked into a Russian bar and asked for a vodka, but the bar man (a big fan of his) answered to him: - "This vodka isn't good enough for you." - "If it is good enough for you it is good enough for me!"
If Hitler was a comedian, he would use laughing gas.
What is the difference between a comedian and a clown?
A comedian leads Ukraine, and a clown leads America.
I went to a stand up show with the person who made my life a joke.
I'd tell you a Kobe joke.
But I am afraid it wouldn't land well.
I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun. Now it’s an assault rifle.
The worst comedians take 9 months to make a joke. Then they spend the rest of their lives trying to forget it.
What do you call a deer who is funny?
Diraleous.
What do you call a gay scientist? Stephen Hawqueen.
My boss said she would've loved to meet Bill Cosby as a child. I don't get why I'm getting arrested. I was just making sure his dream came true.