Comedian jokes

bradley

I was a sit-down comedian, then I tried to stand up. I fell.

I wished I stayed in the wheelchair.

What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?

They both come while you’re asleep.

What do you call a stand-up comedian if the comedian doesn’t have legs?

Jimmy does stand up comedy. He says, "What do you call an orangutan?"

Jake replies, "YOU!" Then everyone, including the teacher, laughs. Jimmy cries.

LOL

Wait, isn't this Sans' job to make a joke?

What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?

They don’t cook because they love eating out.

- I think you're EGGcellent.

+ Wow... You really CRACK ME UP with that joke. I think you're a EGGxtraordinary comedian.

- Really? Are you done yet?.

+ Are you kidding? I have a DOZEN of them.

A very rich and famous comedian walked into a Russian bar and asked for a vodka, but the bar man (a big fan of his) answered to him: - "This vodka isn't good enough for you." - "If it is good enough for you it is good enough for me!"

Trying to make jokes in 2020-2021 be like:

Comedian: "When she went in front of the TV, it took an hour till you could see the screen again."

Audience: "Why you gotta be so offensive?"

Comedian: "I'm not tr-"

Audience: "Oh, so now you're trying to debate?"

Comedian: "I-"

Audience: "Now you're acting racist?!"

What do you call a black comedian?

Dark Humor.

What is the difference between a comedian and a clown?

A comedian leads Ukraine, and a clown leads America.

I went to a stand up show with the person who made my life a joke.

I'd tell you a Kobe joke.

But I am afraid it wouldn't land well.

What do you call a deer who is funny?

Diraleous.

The worst comedians take 9 months to make a joke. Then they spend the rest of their lives trying to forget it.

I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun. Now it’s an assault rifle.

What do you call a gay scientist? Stephen Hawqueen.

What do you get when you cross Donald Trump with Fregley?

Orange juice.

My boss said she would've loved to meet Bill Cosby as a child. I don't get why I'm getting arrested. I was just making sure his dream came true.