Comedian jokes
If someone made a comedy routine about Terri Schiavo, would that be considered roasting a vegetable?
Bill Cosby on rape: "But, I heard, 'my body, my choice.'"
What do you call a black comedian?
Dark Humor.
"Bippidy boppidy boo! Bill Cosby is coming for you!"
My friend in a wheelchair tells a funny joke.
I resist the urge to say that he should become a stand-up comedian.
(pre-election 2016) Trump Hating Comedian at seedy East L.A. comedy club -
"Hey how 'bout that Donald Trump chump... what the fuck up with that dude, man?
"Geeeezus, he got some kuh-razy ass shit spewing endlessly out that pie-hole, 24/8!" (< leap week, muthafukas!)
. . . "I mean, even his last name rhymes with shit that's synonymous for bein' fucked up, for instance ....
STUMP: TEENY DICK
BUMP: TINY TIT
GUMP: DIMWITTED MOVIE IDIOT GUY
MUMP: A FUCKED UP CHILDREN'S DISEASE
LUMP: IF IT'S MALIGNANT, YOU'RE KINDA FUCKED
UMP: OFTEN MAKES TERRIBLE CALLS
RUMP: AN ASS
DUMP: A PILE OF SHIT THAT CAME OUT OF AN ASS
HUMP: SOMETHING DADDY DID TO HIM DAILY THROUGHOUT CHILDHOOD
PUMP: SEE "HUMP"
. . . and last, but definitely not least --
JUMP: JUMP INTO A DEEP VAT 'O SCAT MOTHER FUCKER, AND GO STRAIGHT TO HELL BITCH!! ....
HA! HA! HA! HA! YESSS!!
.... well boys and girls, that's gonna be about it for me, as I think my explosive diarrhea is about ready to take a big turn for the worse!"
......(splort!, plop!, drip!)........ OOOOPS! 'snif, snif'........
..... ewwwwww!!
(audience growing uneasy and unruly)
"Fuhhk! ... I better go now, 'cause I just went! ... ha! ha! ha! ...... Yikes!!
GOOD NIGHT LAZIES, AND GERBILMEN! PLEASE DRIVE RECKLESSLY!
(curtain drops)
(continuous laughter, guffaws, cheers, jeers, queers, beers, pants peeing, beaters beating, pepper sprayin', fists fuckin', guns poppin', blood pumpin')
"OH LORDY!!... I THINK HELL HATH FINALLY COMETH,
... AND ARMAGITTIN' THE FUCK OUTTA HEEE!!"
(one very quick curtain call, and swiftly out the back door to an awaiting taxi ............ with ALL the windows rolled down) Whew! ............ Amen.
Can a guy in a wheelchair be a stand-up comedian?
What kind of woman does Bill Cosby like the most? The “cold and passed out” kind.
Number 1 ventriloquist dies at age 76, will be mist.
If Hitler was a comedian, he would use laughing gas.
You're so bald, Bob Hope would refer to you as "grandpa."
Vince Li doesn't eat comedians. He says they taste funny.
The median salary of a clown is $36,763. And yet, here you are, doing it for free.
No matter how hard I try, I will never be a stand-up comedian.
What do you call an Indian gymnast? Balance Singh.
If you humped a whale, it would humpback.
A clown held a door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester.
Wow, didn't know little Jhony jokes were so dark. Well, but what do you expect from a site with jokes about suicide, sex, and drugs? :-)
"Drugs?????" His eyes popped out. Well, I don't really know if there actually are-- and the exact ones... But there's so many kinds of jokes-- even chin jokes. :^))
And slice jokes!
What kind of "slices"?
Handy ones. ^_^
What do you call someone who makes a joke about society?
The Joker.
Apparently Steven Hawking was a stand-up kind of guy.