Comedian jokes

Everyone is a gangster until Helen Keller hits a 3 on you.

Bill Cosby on rape: "But, I heard, 'my body, my choice.'"

What kind of woman does Bill Cosby like the most? The “cold and passed out” kind.

How do you know if a comedian is high?

Comedian: Why did the wings cross the road? To get to chicken.

My friend who is in a wheelchair told me a joke, and I burst out laughing. I told him he should be a stand-up comedian.

What do you call a war dodo named Bob in WW2 and he came from Mars?

Bruno Mars.

What do you call a deer who is funny?

Diraleous.

A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..." The room was full of arm amputees.

These jokes are EGGxactly why I became a comedian, and I know how to BAKE on breakfast.

2 jokes in a row babyyyyy!

Cooper is funny.

There's nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.

What caused the Great Depression? A lack of comedians.

Anyone got any good Floyd jokes? I really need them to take my breath away.

I'd tell you a Kobe joke.

But I am afraid it wouldn't land well.

I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"

He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"

#RIPBOZO

Is it still stand-up comedy if the comedian doesn't have legs?

Why didn't the Japanese guy get a high five? Logan Paul left him hanging.

Helen Keller once dated a brick wall.

My friend told me I should be a stand up comedian but... I prefer sitting.

The best way to enjoy Port Arthur is to shoot through--a quote by hilarious comedian Isaac Butterfield.