Comedian

Comedian jokes

Clown

    • The median salary of a clown is $36,763. And yet, here you are, doing it for free.

    Jew

    • A Middle Eastern man comes to the states to do a stand up show. He starts by saying “2 Jews walk into a bar, NOT IN MY COUNTRY!”

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    • Teacher

    • The teacher asked the class what they wanted to be when they grew up.

    Johnny said when he grows up he's going to be a motherfucking hustler. He's going to have a wife and live in a big house in the country with maids and butlers and drive a Rolls-Royce, and he's also going to have an apartment in the city where his side bitch is going to live. He's going to buy her expensive jewelry, whatever she wants: cars, diamonds, clothes, shoes.

    The teacher didn't know what to say, so she calls on Sally. "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

    Sally said, "I want to be Johnny's bitch."

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    • Rape

    • I always loved going to Bill Cosby's house; he always greeted me when I woke up with "Rapey-rapey, eggs and bakey."

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    • Vegetable

    • If someone made a comedy routine about Terri Schiavo, would that be considered roasting a vegetable?

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    • Site

    • I may not be that good with puns on this site, but I got a skele-ton of jokes. Hey, what's the matter pal, is there something crawling under your skin?

    Chicken

    • How do you know if a comedian is high?

    Comedian: Why did the wings cross the road? To get to chicken.

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    • Friend

    • Friend: If you don't like my bad jokes, I will tell some stand up comedy.

    Me: But you are not standing:)

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    • Russia

    • Russia be like we're strong, gets ass beat up by a comedian with a hook nose...

    #i stand with Ukraine 🇺🇦