TommyInnit is a joke.
If Hitler was a comedian, he would use laughing gas.
There's nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
What caused the Great Depression? A lack of comedians.
"Bippidy boppidy boo! Bill Cosby is coming for you!"
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
If you humped a whale, it would humpback.
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand up.
Sydney Drake is hot. ⛓🖤🥺😩
Cooper is funny.
What's the difference between me and Bill Cosby?
I haven't been caught.
What is the difference between Kanye and Hitler?
Hitler knew when his career was over.
Hey, I just want to give a round of applause to Shooter McFly, single-handedly keeping the jokes section alive. Unappreciated, well, Shooter, one person here appreciates you, at least.
I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"
He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"
What do you call someone who makes a joke about society?
The Joker.
Some of the best comedians mimic people. I mimic my shadow.
Q: What do you call deaf Magic Johnson?
A: Hearing Aids.
What do orphans and olden day actors have in common?
Both get food thrown at them some of the time.
Some dude called me a tool.
So later I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.
Guess he was right :/
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast any time," so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
— Steven Wright
A clown held a door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester.
