Comedian jokes
My boss said she would've loved to meet Bill Cosby as a child. I don't get why I'm getting arrested. I was just making sure his dream came true.
If Hitler was a comedian, he would use laughing gas.
What do you call someone who makes a joke about society?
The Joker.
There's nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
What caused the Great Depression? A lack of comedians.
"Bippidy boppidy boo! Bill Cosby is coming for you!"
Memes
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says Iām okay, but I feel like Iāve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldnāt build a car out of spaghetti. You shouldāve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, āWhatās your favorite kind of music?ā The other says, āIām a big metal fan.ā
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didnāt the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I canāt drink coffee anymore. Or else theyāll ground me!
If you humped a whale, it would humpback.
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he canāt do stand up.
Sydney Drake is hot. āš¤š„ŗš©
Cooper is funny.
What's the difference between me and Bill Cosby?
I haven't been caught.
Hey, I just want to give a round of applause to Shooter McFly, single-handedly keeping the jokes section alive. Unappreciated, well, Shooter, one person here appreciates you, at least.
What is the difference between Kanye and Hitler?
Hitler knew when his career was over.
I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"
He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"
Some of the best comedians mimic people. I mimic my shadow.
Q: What do you call deaf Magic Johnson?
A: Hearing Aids.
What do orphans and olden day actors have in common?
Both get food thrown at them some of the time.
Some dude called me a tool.
So later I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.
Guess he was right :/
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast any time," so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
ā Steven Wright
A clown held a door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester.