Clothing jokes

When should you discourage your husband from exercising and dieting? When he wants to fit in your clothes!

I wore a purple outfit to school, and some Indian kid called me Thanos, so I called him Vision and tried pulling the red dot off his head.

Why does Sonic wear gloves? Because his hands are cold.

What does Sonic wear when he goes to the beach? A speedo.

What do nail polish and panties have in common?

Both come off with alcohol.

Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I see myself in them.

My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.

When your mom tells you there's a present in the laundry room,

The present: Laundry.

*gunshot*

What does a storm cloud wear under his raincoat? Thunderwear.

The priest had a very holy shirt.

Are your ankles having a party? Because I think your pants should come on down.

What does a ripped jacket and a golfer have in common?

They both have a hole in one.

I bought a sweater and it started building up static electricity.

So I got another one free of charge.

What did the shirt say to the pants?

Belt.

An emo kid sees his clothes hanging to dry, and he says to his clothes, "I wish I were you!"

Your momma's so fat, when she pulls her knickers down, her ass is still in them.

What do you call mouse sneakers? Squeakers!

I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink.

Turns out it was the fridge.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it?

A waist of time!

My friend’s neighbor’s house is a real pigsty. There are hogs everywhere wearing neck garments.