Clothing jokes
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
If we don't get some support soon, people are gonna think we're nuts.
Pants!
How did the hamburger know he needed new pants?
His buns were too tight.
Q: Why are flat-earthers seen so many these days? A: Because one girl wore an earth-printed shirt.
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of socks? In case he got a hole in one!
Tides right?
What did the shoe tell the feet?
"Put me on your feet!"
What’s brown, fuzzy, and wears sunglasses?
A coconut on vacation.
What did the glove say to his girlfriend?
I glove you!
Do you want to wear my sombrero?
Or is that nacho style?
My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets."
My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets!"
What's the sharpest thing in the world?
A fart... it goes straight through your pants without leaving a hole.
Where is this pic of me in my bra?
I saw a man today wearing a t-shirt that said "I'm with stupid."
I told him, "You know, that's not very nice."
He looked at me and said, "I'm with stupid, too."
TRUE STORY!
X-Ray Tech: I broke my arm and went to the hospital. The X-Ray Tech was the hottest blonde I've ever seen.
I threw her ass down on the X-Ray table, ripped her clothes off, ripped off mine and I jumped on top of her!
Then I put the X-ray machine on top of us, turned it on and I looked up on the X-ray monitor and I watched and saw my sperm swimming up inside her!
An Australian, an American, and a British man are on a golf course.
They're all on the green and working out their next shot when a phone starts ringing.
"Terribly sorry," says the Brit, but instead of getting out a phone, he twists his earlobe around to reveal a speaker and opens his bottom lip to reveal a microphone and takes the call.
The other two are pretty impressed, and the Brit shrugs modestly.
"State of the art British tech. Surgically implanted. Amazing stuff."
They get set to resume, but another phone goes off.
"Ugh, sorry guys," says the American, but instead of taking out his phone, he holds up his hand, taps the palm with his other hand, and it turns into a screen. As the other two watch, the American has a video call.
When he's finished, the other two are impressed, but the American waves it off.
"No biggie. Just the latest and greatest in digital communications from the good old US of A."
Again, the three are about to continue their game when there's a strange, electronic sound and, much to the other two's surprise, the Aussie runs off into the bushes.
The Brit and the American follow him and soon find the Aussie squatting down in the middle of a clearing, clothes around his ankles, bare-assed and grunting.
"What the hell..." one of them says, but the Aussie holds up his hand in apology.
"Sorry fellas, got a fax coming through..."
You’ll need a bib when you’re done eating my ribs.
What are priests' favorite shoe?
White Vans.
Jake grabbed Lina's thigh and said, "Why don't we have sex? I really wanna see your boobs. I bet they're hot." "Yeah, they are." She took her clothes off and he saw her body. "OMG GODDESS OF BOOBS, PUSSYS AND BUTT LETS HAVE SEX LOOK AT MY..." HE WOKE UP THEN CRIED AND KISSED HIS SISTER'S BUTT. SHE SMACKED HIM THEN HE TOOK HER TO HIS BASEMENT AND KILLED HER FROM SEX.