Clothing jokes
What kind of shirts does Sally's parents get her?
Long sleeves.
What do you get when you cross an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
Why did ranch tell fridge to close the door?
He was dressing.
"It looks like she went into Claire’s Boutique, fell on a sale rack, and said, ‘I’ll take it!’" — Bianca Del Rio, RuPaul’s Drag Race
What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a badly dressed man on a unicycle? Attire.
What do clothes and emo kids have in common?
They both get hung.
Why are emos useful in stores? A: Their barcodes give them discounts.
If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
Forehead is so big that you wear a bed sheet for a bandana.
Why do jeans always compliment your booty?
Because they’ve got your back!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Bikini.
Bikini who?
Oh, that was just a bikini.
OK, OK, eat your shirt.
What's worse than having ants in your pants?
Uncles.
You can assume a horse is called a great jumper when the horse’s name is “Polo Neck”.
What's the difference between a bicycle?
A banana, because vests don't have sleeves.
A girl goes to a Church to confess.
Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done my child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
(after a few minutes)
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But father, he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
A nun walked into a bar with her clothes on inside out. The bartender asked her about it, and she replied, "It's a bad habit."
How do I feed the baby with my pants on?
But her ass was lookin' good all up in those mom jeans!
Why was the two-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the meat section from the dairy section.