Chuck Norris jokes

The day after Chuck Norris was born, he drove his mom home from the hospital.

In the average room, there are about 2,894,638 items that Chuck Norris can use to kill you, including the room itself.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.

A cobra once bit Chuck Norris. After hours of agonising pain... it died.

MVP means: “Most Valuable Player.”

In Chuck Norris' case: “Most Vaginas Penetrated”.

When Chuck Norris breaks a mirror, the mirror gets seven years of bad luck.

Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret.

God said, "Let there be light." Chuck Norris said, "You have to say please first."

Chuck Norris caught all the Pokémon -- from a landline.

Sonic can run around the world in a second.

In that same time, Chuck Norris can run around the Universe.

Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience...

Chuck Norris and Time had a race.

Result: Time is still running...

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris one-shot down a German fighter plane by pointing his finger at it and yelling "bang!"

Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number. You answered the wrong telephone.

Chuck Norris doesn't get sun burns. The sun knows better.

Chuck Norris once put a plastic bag on his head, and the bag suffocated to death.

There once was a street named Chuck Norris. They had to change the name because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

Bees don't sting Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris stings bees.

Chuck Norris has a bear rug in his living room. It's not dead or anything, it's just too scared to move.