Children jokes
Why do orphans become hookers?
They can call someone daddy.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy.
But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jill's real name is Randy.
There's a lot of talk about starting families, but no one ever talks about finishing what they started.
Why can orphans never be kidnapped?
No one can tell them that "your parents said that they would be delayed and I was told to pick you up."
I don't get this. Why is it I go to an orphanage and all of a sudden they said I used to be the cutest baby there?
Two boys came home for dinner late, and their mother asked, "Where have you boys been?" One of them replied with, "We were all over the neighborhood, we're mailmen now." Their snobby teen sister said, "Well, you're not real mailmen, real mailmen use real letters." Then one of the boys said, "Actually, we used real letters, we found a whole box of them under your bed."
Why did the little girl's ice cream melt? She was on fire.
Can people please shut up about "male privileges"? There is no right that men have that women don't.
Women have the right to genital integrity. Women can vote without having to sign up for the draft.
Women have the right to choose parenthood; men do not.
Women have the right to be assumed caregivers for children.
Women have the right to call unwanted, coerced sex rape.
Women have the right to lower jail sentences for the same crime.
Women have the right to not be assumed sexual predators.
Women have the right to government departments that solely serve their interests. They also have the luxury of "women only" events that men cannot even dream of. (They even took the boy scouts away from us.)
Women have the right to government-enforced gender quotas.
Women have the right to exclusive tax benefits for being a business owner.
Women have the right to domestic violence shelters.
Women have the right to not be assumed the primary aggressor in a domestic dispute.
Women have the right to rape a man or boy, and if she gets pregnant from that man/boy, they can sue him for child support.
So it is women who have more rights.
So shut up, feminists, please.
What do Michael Jackson and Tesco carrier bags have in common? They’re both made out of plastic and harmful to children.
What's the difference between my car and a school bus? A school bus takes them back home.
7 little children gathered around the bed Bill Cosby's fantasy.
All he wants to do is tickle the kids, it's as plain as can be.
7 cellmates gathered around the bed ready to rape Bill Cosby instead.
What is the most popular game at the orphanage?
Need For Speed: Most Wanted.
What school subject does an orphan love?
PE because they actually get picked.
Teacher: "What is the opposite of the following sentence: 'Children in the dark make mistakes'?"
Student: "Mistakes in the dark make children."
The moment when she tells you: "I'm a virgin. Be gentle!" And you tell her, "Don't worry, I used to work with kids."
What's the difference between an apple and a dead baby?
I don't jizz on an apple before eating it.
What do you call a Catholic priest who molests children?
A Catholic priest.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
You give them a Sandy Hook.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them.
What do Michael Jackson and math have in common? They are both hard for kids.