Children jokes
Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "Johnny, do you pray before you eat?" Little Johnny says, "I don't need to, my mum makes good food."
Jon said: What do you call a pregnant woman?
Mike said: I don’t know, what?
Jon said: Kinder surprise.
A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months.
At the funeral, a man sees the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man looks at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."
Customer: "Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?"
Employee: "Ma'am, this is an adoption agency, you can't do that here!"
Yo mamma is so ugly, she made blind kids cry.
What do you call a terrorist in a kids' swimming pool?
A bath bomb.
April Fool's joke: Go to an orphanage and tell them, "Their parents came back."
When you run over a speed bump in a school zone and you remember that there are no speed bumps.
At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth."
Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!"
What’s the difference between a Ferrari and ten 6-year-olds?
I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
Have you heard about the pedophile who was found guilty of robbery?
- He robbed children of their innocence.
Why are orphanages like dogs?
Because they get adopted.
Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.
What's the difference between an Afghan kindergarten and a military target?
The drone guy didn't know either.
if a toy from Toy Story died, the kid wouldn't know, and the other toys would just have to watch as their kid played with the corpse.
Daughter: Dad.
Dad: Yes honey?
Daughter: I'm lesbian.
Dad: Ok.
Daughter 2: Dad.
Dad: Yes?
Daughter 2: I'm lesbian too.
Dad: God, does anyone like boys around here?
Son: I do...
My favorite quote will always be, "Sketchy candy is better than no candy."
- One of the thousands of missing children.
Many years of sex in the dark.
The wife finds out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says, "Explain the dildo, prick!"
The husband says, "Explain the children, bitch!"
Well, I'm off to the orphanage to tell "yo mama" jokes.
How many beaten children does it take to change a light bulb for a drunken father?
Apparently not enough to impress him.