Celebrity jokes

"This dude right here don't look nothing like no damn Tyrese Gibson. He look like a hot, fishy tail termite all dressed in green makeup."

What do Diddy and Turkish men have in common?

They both use lots of oil.

My brother goes into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me 12 beers and a shot of whiskey." The bartender says, "That's a lot of alcohol." My brother says, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob." The bartender said, "Let me buy you a drink." My brother said, "No, this should be enough to get the taste out of my mouth."

What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!

What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!

What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!

May our days be abundant, a dance of delight, May I navigate life with courage, taking flight. May our journey be a beauty, a blessing so sweet, May I celebrate friendships, where hearts and souls meet.

May our nights be bright, with laughter and cheer, May we live with love, eliminating every fear. May I grow in kindness, a serenade of grace, May our lives be a marvel, a splendid embrace.

I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters, but it just wouldn't land with people...

Bigfoot is just a normal person who covered himself in Pritt Stick and went down on Susan Boyle.

What do Michael Jackson and ACN have in common? They both go in little kids.

Chuck Norris is the opposite to Oliver Savage.

Your mom is so ugly, she's the reason he swerved.

Donald Trump is to white Americans as O.J. Simpson is to black Americans. They will never choose to convict these people even if they murdered or raped.

"How do celebrities stay cool?"

"They have many fans!"

Your mum is so ugly she made Paul Walker run.

How did Princess Diana die?

Giving the glove box head.

What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?

I care when my computer crashes.

"Stephen Hawking was talking about a cash register at Costco when he said I can’t stand these people. 😳😳😳😳😳😳 What did he saaaaaaayyyyyyy?"

Me: Hey, Mom? Why do we celebrate birthdays?

Mom: Because that's the day a new life was born, and people are born every day so every day is a special day.

My thoughts: And my friend wonders why I have depression...

Plz look up rainbow kiss - Bill Cosby.

choi soobin loml

Why is Donald Trump under so much stress?

Because he signed up to be on an album where somebody says "no love for the rich" on it.