Celebrity jokes
Zaine Davis and Stephen Hawking fuck each others brains out.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Jeffrey Epstein?
Only difference between Michael and Jeffrey is Epstein wasn't a smooth criminal, and Michael was.
What did MC Hammer say to Michael Jackson?
"U Can't Touch Kids."
What happens when you hit Dwayne Johnson's butt? You hit rock bottom.
What's big, black, and touches children?
Harambe.
Why did you always see Michael Jackson wearing two white gloves?
Because masturbation is against Michael Jackson's religious beliefs.
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an orphan?
An orphan has all their teeth intact.
How do you know when it’s bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house?
The big hand is on the little hand!
Michael doesn’t fart. Jackson does.
What is the difference between Nicole Brown Simpson and cancer?
OJ couldn’t kill cancer.
May our days be abundant, a dance of delight, May I navigate life with courage, taking flight. May our journey be a beauty, a blessing so sweet, May I celebrate friendships, where hearts and souls meet.
May our nights be bright, with laughter and cheer, May we live with love, eliminating every fear. May I grow in kindness, a serenade of grace, May our lives be a marvel, a splendid embrace.
Chuck Norris doesn't ride horses.
Horses ride him.
Bill Cosplay
Your hairline goes so far back even Dwayne Johnson refused to sit there.
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
Amber Heard Daily Routine:
Get out of bed, drink coffee, take a shit on Johnny Depp's bed.
Did you all hear about the newest gay celebrity couple? Yeah, John Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzjohn.
Roses are red, violets are blue, Bill Cosby will pudding rape you.
Paul's favorite car.
A Carrera GT.
What’s the difference between a computer and Paul Walker? I give a crap when my computer crashes.