Celebrity jokes
I’m going back to the house to get some stuff for my dad, and then I’m going to have a car and a birthday party come up for the weekend at the end of the week. I was going to get my birthday cake for the day.
I met Lebron James, and he was so bald at the time that I could count his hairs.
And that's 1 hair and maybe 2.
Ariana Grande, where are you?
Your hairline is so long The Rock complimented it!
Why does Michael Jackson like to shop at Walmart?
Little boys' pants are half off!
What's the opposite of Christopher Walken?
Christopher Reeve.
Did you hear? There is a new toy for boys ages 2-10. It's called Jackson. A tiny white doll, with black Jackson. Get it while supplies last.
Who’s the hottest girl in the world?
Babe Ruth cuz she catches the sun.
Kobe jokes just don’t land well anymore.
Paul Walker started in 3 movies: Fast and Furious, Gone in 60 Seconds, To Die Hard.
Why did Michael Jackson love melted chocolate? Because he could pour it on his cock, then get a prepubescent boy to suck it off.
If you turn the word "racecar" backwards, it says "racecar".
But if you turn the racecar sideways, you have Paul Walker's blood on your hands.
Gary Glitter was imprisoned for inappropriate relations with preteens. Not to be outdone, Kelly Clarkson exclaimed, "Hold my Bud Light!" whilst grasping her 1-year-old daughter.
What does Michael Jackson have in common with Kmart?
They're both dead...
Why did Michael Jackson like having little boys round him? He was studying for the priesthood.
The teacher asked a young boy in primary school, "Can you tell me the alphabet?"
To which the boy replies, "No."
The teacher then sets his homework to learn the alphabet.
At home, the boy goes up to his mum, who is on the phone, and asks, "Can you tell me the alphabet?"
"Shut up," she replied.
The boy goes to his dad, who just won the footie match, and asks, "Can you teach me the alphabet?"
But the dad is too busy celebrating and shouting, "Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Yeaaahh!"
The boy goes to his big brother and asks him to teach him the alphabet.
But his brother is singing, "I'm Michael Jackson, I'm Michael Jackson!"
The boy goes to his sister and asks her for the alphabet.
But his sister is singing, "In my big red car, in my big red car!"
The next day the teacher asks him the alphabet.
The boy replies, "Shut up."
"Alright, I'm sending you to the principal's office right now."
The boy replies, "Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Yeaaahh!"
In the office, the principal says, "Who do you think you are?"
The boy replies, "I'm Michael Jackson, I'm Michael Jackson!"
The principal now says, "How do you think you'll get away with this?"
The boy then replies, "In my big red car, in my big red car!"
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?
One is made of plastic and bad for kids; the other one holds shopping.
Today, I spotted Johnny Depp on the clearance rack at Kmart. Kmart is currently trying to clear its inventory of wife-beaters.
Your leg is straighter than James Charles.
Chuck Norris decided to sell his urine as an energy drink, which you now know as Red Bull.