Celebrity jokes
"FUCK IT HURTS SO BAD PLEASE SEND AN AMBULANCE I CAN'T BREATHE (I am Paul Walker btw)"
People tell Kobe to fly high, but when he flew high, he died.
Ever wonder why pride month is so hot?
It's just a free trial of what's to come for the celebrators...
Hi, I am Michael Jackson, pronouns are HEE/HEE!
Want to know what Juice WRLD would do if he were alive today?
Frantically scratch on the inside of his coffin.
So Johnny Depp made an appearance on the MTV Video Music Awards as an astronaut. It really looks like he wants to be the new Elon Musk, whatever career path is most viable for Depp. I got to admit, if launching crystal meth into your nostrils and your anus is as viable as launching rockets to Mars, Johnny Depp would surpass Elon Musk in net worth.
Then again, the money Depp spends on alcohol each month, he could have bought all of Michael Bloomberg's penthouses in Manhattan. Sure sounds like he also shares the same financial advisor as Donald Trump, who thought it was a magnificent idea to launch Trump Airlines and Trump Ice. He already shares the same pro-Kremlin lawyer, by the way.
Donald Trump is so stupid his fanboys dislike this.
Why did Stephen Hawking go on to Britain's Got Talent?
To sing.
What do you call two Michael J. Fox's standing next to each other?
Parallel Parkinson's.
Who's the closest family member to Paul Walker?
Answer: The tree.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
Who’s the hottest girl in the world?
Babe Ruth cuz she catches the sun.
A small, nervous woman steps into a hotel elevator in Las Vegas.
At the next floor, three large, burly men step in. The woman is immediately intimidated and clutches her purse tightly.
Suddenly, one of the men says in a deep voice: "Hit the floor!"
Terrified that she is about to be robbed, the woman drops her bags and collapses face down onto the floor of the elevator, cowering in fear.
The men burst out laughing and help the bewildered woman up. The speaker apologizes profusely and says: "No, ma'am, I meant hit the button for our floor!"
The next morning, the woman receives a massive bouquet of roses and has her entire hotel bill paid for. Attached is a note that says: "Thanks for the best laugh I've had in years."
Roses are red, violets are blue, Bill Cosby will pudding rape you.
Dababy in my dickle trickle when eating my pickle.
What do you call a bank robbery with MrBeast?
A donation team.
What is the sweat between Dolly Parton's boobs?
Mountain Dew.
What's the difference between the 44 out of the 45 people who died in the Yaroslavl crash and the nine people who died in the helicopter crash?
Only one was ever famous. Vasicek and Kobe Bryant were the champions.
Michael farts. Jackson doesn’t.
Cameron Boyce