Celebrity jokes
Chuck Norris once won a race against Usain Bolt, running in the opposite direction around the track, blindfolded, on one foot.
A small, nervous woman steps into a hotel elevator in Las Vegas.
At the next floor, three large, burly men step in. The woman is immediately intimidated and clutches her purse tightly.
Suddenly, one of the men says in a deep voice: "Hit the floor!"
Terrified that she is about to be robbed, the woman drops her bags and collapses face down onto the floor of the elevator, cowering in fear.
The men burst out laughing and help the bewildered woman up. The speaker apologizes profusely and says: "No, ma'am, I meant hit the button for our floor!"
The next morning, the woman receives a massive bouquet of roses and has her entire hotel bill paid for. Attached is a note that says: "Thanks for the best laugh I've had in years."
What do Diddy and Turkish men have in common?
They both use lots of oil.
What is Lizzo?
Big, fat, and ugly.
What do you call a black couple who's on welfare and food stamps?
Lay-Z and Freeyonce.
If possible, I refrain from brunching celebrities. My path is smooth. The table receives the branching.
When I arrived at my friend's house and, after a long time, I was given permission to pick from the branches and graze the dog, I agreed. Then the work begins. "No, no money," I replied, "that's why I'm a burden to the world that hurts me."
And when I told them, they told me and said they were there. If I had a job, I would be fired on the first day for bad behavior. The best solution is to avoid this situation.
Donald Trump travels back in time to talk to his 10-year-old self.
When he sees himself, he says, "Do you see me? I am you, but almost 70 years older."
His 10-year-old self asks him, "Am I going to be famous?"
Trump replies, "Oh yeah, I became president of the United States. Not once. Twice!"
10-year-old Donald was shocked. But he became even more shocked when he heard the next sentence from his current self: "And now take off your pants!"
What song did Whitney Houston listen to while doing cocaine?
"Run It!" by Chris Brown.
What did Britney Spears’s left leg say to her right leg? Nothing they’ve never met
Charlie Chaplin and Tork Poettschke meet.
Chaplin: "What can I do for you?"
Poettschke: "Please get away from me."
Q: What did Britney say to Kevin when they were in bed?
A: "Hit me baby one more time."
Did you hear? There's a new fast food restaurant coming: Jacko in the Box.
Why did Bruce Jenner cross the road?
To see how the other side felt!
You will find Taylor Swift on the streets before you find your hairline.
Did you hear about the new P. Diddy meal in McDonald's? It's a 56-year-old meat inside a 12-year-old bun.
The media's relationship with Hillary is just like Bill's relationship with Hillary. The relationship is unwanted and forced, and they'll move on to the next person any chance they get.
Kurt Cobain said he wished he was gay.
That's why he married Courtney Love.
What kind of bride does the pedo icon like? A "maik order" bride. Why? The male part.
Q: Mummy, how do most stars die?
A: From an overdose.
What does Michael Joseph Jackson say to adults when he sees them?
Keep away from me-hee-hee.