Career jokes

My ex died today.

I also lost my job as a butcher.

Why would a man spend his whole career at a barn?

Because it's stable.

Job sucks. XD

So, if being a paedophile is a career, then burying the bodies must be gardening.

So, I was sitting with my little brother and talking about our dreams. "What do you wanna be when you grow up?" I asked him. He answered, "A doctor!" I wanted to tease him so I said, "I wouldn't be treated by a doctor like you." I was hoping he would get mad or something, but instead, he calmly replied, "Brother, I said doctor. Not a vet."

My mom said she wanted to be a comedian when she grows up. So after she was an adult, she had kids. When they were old enough, she told them you could be whatever you want...

A man goes into a job interview and sits down.

The interviewer is looking over his resume and says, "I see here that there's a 4-year gap on your resume. What were you doing?"

The man says, "Oh, that was when I went to Yale!"

The interviewer is impressed and says, "That's great! You're hired!"

The man smiles. "Really? I'm so glad, because I really need this Yob."

My friend's daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.

Your career might be in the north, but it's going south :)

Just because you have a career in the North doesn't mean you are North Korean.

I want a job cleaning mirrors. I could really see myself doing it!

My friend told me I should be a stand up comedian but... I prefer sitting.

I quit my job at the bank today. I lost interest.

What did the Alabama graduate say to the Tennessee graduate?

"Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order please?"

At my sample place, I handed my wife a fork and I lost my job.

I was just informed that my ex was stabbed yesterday. Let's just say I quit my job as a butcher.

A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.

boss: "We have to let you go."

surgeon: "I protest innocence."

boss: "How?"

surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."

boss: "Get out!"

I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents told me the sky was the limit.

What job do you want if you don't want people's twos since?

A Catholic priest.

I hear coal mining is a rock-bottom job.