Barn Jokes

Anus

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. The banks offered a reward for his capture, dead or alive, but offered a much larger award for the recovery of the stolen funds. An enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a long and difficult search, he traced the bandit to his home town. On a hunch, he checked the town’s cantina, and sure enough, there was the robber. The only other people in the bar were the bartender and a scrawny, older man at a back table. The time was right to make a move. The ranger drew his revolver, charged into the cantina, and announced: “You are under arrest. I get a reward for you, dead or alive. Tell me where the money is, and I’ll let you live. If you don’t, I’ll shoot you right here, and save myself the trouble of having to take you back to Texas alive.” But the bandit didn’t speak English, and the Ranger didn’t speak Spanish. As it turned out, the scrawny man at the back of the bar happenedd to be a lawyer. He knew the robber, and was bilingual, and quickly offered to translate for the two of them. The ranger said: “Tell him that if he doesn’t tell me where the loot is, I’ll shoot him here and now.” Upon hearing what the Ranger had said, and seeing the cold look in his eye, the bandit knew that the Ranger meant it - if he did not give up his loot, he was a dead man. Terrified, the bandit blurted out in Spanish that the loot was buried in an old barn at the outskirts of town. “What did he say?” asked the Ranger. The lawyer answered: “He said, ‘You don’t have the nerve to shoot me, Yankee swine.’”

Anonymous

How many babies does it take to paint a barn?

Depends on how hard you throw them

Gilley
in Puns

What unit of measurement is used on farms? Barn-yards

Darius
in Little Johnny

Little Johnny was walking down a dirt country road, and he came upon a old farmer leaning against a fence looking sad shaking his head. He walked up to the the old farmer and asked him what’s wrong. The Old Farmer said, " my mule, he just won’t do nothing, he don’t work any more, always looking sad, barely eat, just sad." Little Johnny said, “can I go talk him?” “Sure, The Old Farmer said, he’s back in the barn.” Little Johnny went back in the barn, seen the mule just sad, and sighing… A few minutes laters, Little Johnny came out and said, “You’re mule fixed.” The Old Farmer ran in, and seen the mule laughing, just rolling, and crying laughing… “Thank you, thank you,” The Old Farmer said, and Little Johnny was on his way… Well, a few days later, Little Johnny was walking down the same old dirt road, and came upon The Old Farmer again, looking sad… “What’s the matter?” Little Johnny asked… “It’s my mule again, ever since you talked him he won’t do nothing, he won’t work, just laughing all day, what did you say?” “Can I go in and talk to him again?” Little Johnny asked. “Sure,” said The Old Farmer, “he’s back in the barn.” Little Johnny went in the barn and a few minutes later came back out. “Your mule fixed sir.” The Old Farmer went in seen the mule ‘Crying’ crying really hard. The Old Farmer came running out of the barn, “Hey boy! What did you say to my mule, one day he’s sad, then laughing, now he’s crying, just what did you say to my mule?” Little Johnny smiled and answered, “We’ll the first time I told him my dick was bigger than his, this time I showed it to him”

Cashew
in Find

A wife and husband go to a barn, the husband picks up a goat and says “Look at this pig I have to sleep with every night.” The wife says “Honey that’s a goat.” The husband replies with “I was talking to the goat.”

Muhammad

why would a man spent his whole career at a barn? bc its stable.

qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm

If you’re serious, congratulations on getting this far in life with absolutely no comprehension of reality. If you had this kind of knowledge about driving a car, you’d be sitting 30 feet away from it, throwing pieces of pickles at a barn and shouting ‘shazam’ into an empty iPhone case, wondering why the car wasn’t moving .

Anonymous
in Cow

Why were the cows so noisy in the barn Because they had horns

Anonymous
in Sally

How fast did Little Sally paint the barn red? As soon as the bomb exploded on her.

Anonymous

What do shemales and barns have in common?

Cocks

Anonymous
in Adoption

Hvis du tenker på det, så er adopsjon siste valget for et barn, så de som er adoptert var siste valget

Goddi Jokes

How many babies does it take to paint a barn red, well it depends on how hard you throw them.

Anonymous
in Baby

How many babies does it take to paint a barn red? Depends on how hard you throw them.

Jesus Christ
in Adoption

(This isnt a joke)

There was a homeless family in need for a room. But, The guy said no more rooms because they were Homeless… So, they got into a barn… And, the mother gave birth to a young healthy boy. And, Before you say anything bad to a homeless man, That little boy was born on December 25th. Guess who it is.

JESUS CHRIST!!! STOP HURTING THE HOMELESS PEOPLE AND START HELPING THEM!!!