Pierre Poilievre has lost the government position he had for 20 years.
Bet he wishes his mom HAD used that coat hanger.
My son's class is having a career day next week.
He was all embarrassed about having a mother who works at the AISH office.
We've agreed that I'll tell his class I'm a prostitute.
Katy Perry can't sing, can't dance, doesn't write music, is unbelievably ugly, and is unable to decipher maths or science. Really though, I didn't realize going down on a record executive would later lead her to be one of the people able to go to space.
"When I was in jail, my girlfriend abandoned me. I created a fascination with becoming a gynecologist. When I got bailed out, I became a Travis Bickle."
Why did the suicide bomber get promoted?
Because he was blowing up at work. 💀😈
(BILL is sitting in the waiting room, fidgeting with his tie. MR. SMITH enters with a clipboard.)
MR. SMITH: (sternly) Good morning, Bill. Ready for your interview?
BILL: (nervously) Uh, yes, sir! I’ve prepared a lot for this!
MR. SMITH: (raising an eyebrow) Great! Let’s start with an easy question. Why do you want this job?
BILL: (confidently) Well, I want to help your company succeed! I believe in hard work and dedication!
MR. SMITH: (nods) Good to hear. Now, what’s your biggest weakness?
BILL: (eyes widening) I tend to be overly honest.
MR. SMITH: (leaning in) That’s not really a weakness.
BILL: (smirking) I don’t care what you think!
(MR. SMITH pauses, surprised, then bursts out laughing.)
MR. SMITH: (laughing) Okay, you’re hired! We need more honesty around here!
Why did the rapper wear a watch to the studio?
Because it was all about the TIMING.
My son was thrown out of school for letting a schoolgirl wank him off.
"That's the third school this year..." I said to my son, "... Maybe teaching isn't for you."
What do you call a rapper who works at the BANK?
Lil Teller.
At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”
I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”
Why did the Invisible Man turn down a job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?
Because he had a ton of sick beets.
Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.
One day a local pastor was visiting the home of some parishioners who had a teenage son. The parents were worried about what career their son would choose, so the pastor said he had a simple test that could predict what would become of him.
He would put three objects on a table and let the young man choose whichever one he wanted to have: a Bible, a wallet, and a bottle of scotch. If the boy chose the Bible, he would probably become a priest; if he chose the wallet, he'd be a banker; and if he chose the bottle, he'd become a worthless bum.
So the parents called their son into the room, and the pastor told him he could have whichever object he wished. When the boy promptly picked up all three, the pastor cried out, "Heaven forbid! He's going to be a Jesuit!"
What's the difference between Rorochan and skydivers?
One does it for the cash, the other for the views.
My boss said “dress for the job you want, not for the job you have.” So I went in as Batman.
I heard P. Diddy got a job as a defensive coordinator.
He’s used to penetrating aggressively.
The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.
My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.
Why did the rapper become a locksmith?
Because he always had the KEYS!
