Career Jokes

(BILL is sitting in the waiting room, fidgeting with his tie. MR. SMITH enters with a clipboard.)

MR. SMITH: (sternly) Good morning, Bill. Ready for your interview?

BILL: (nervously) Uh, yes, sir! I’ve prepared a lot for this!

MR. SMITH: (raising an eyebrow) Great! Let’s start with an easy question. Why do you want this job?

BILL: (confidently) Well, I want to help your company succeed! I believe in hard work and dedication!

MR. SMITH: (nods) Good to hear. Now, what’s your biggest weakness?

BILL: (eyes widening) I tend to be overly honest.

MR. SMITH: (leaning in) That’s not really a weakness.

BILL: (smirking) I don’t care what you think!

(MR. SMITH pauses, surprised, then bursts out laughing.)

MR. SMITH: (laughing) Okay, you’re hired! We need more honesty around here!

What do you call a rapper who works at the BANK?

Lil Teller

At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”

Why did the Invisible Man turn down a job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.

After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music? Because he had a ton of sick beets.

Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.

One day a local pastor was visiting the home of some parishioners who had a teenage son. The parents were worried about what career their son would choose, so the pastor said he had a simple test that could predict what would become of him.

He would put three objects on a table and let the young man choose whichever one he wanted to have: a Bible, a wallet, and a bottle of scotch. If the boy chose the Bible, he would probably become a priest; if he chose the wallet, he'd be a banker; and if he chose the bottle, he'd become a worthless bum.

So the parents called their son into the room, and the pastor told him he could have whichever object he wished. When the boy promptly picked up all three, the pastor cried out, "Heaven forbid! He's going to be a Jesuit!"

What's the difference between Rorochan and Skydivers?

One does it for the cash, the other for the views.

I heard P. Diddy got a job as a defensive coordinator He’s used to penetrating aggressively

My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.

Why did the rapper become a locksmith?

Because he always had the KEYS

What is the difference between Kanye And Hitler Hitler knew when his career was over

Why did the rapper climb a ladder during his performance?

He wanted to take his career to the NEXT LEVEL

What do you call a rapper who can’t RHYME?

Unemployed

Why did the rapper become a pilot?

Because he wanted to take his flow to NEW HEIGHTS

Why did the rapper get a job at the bank?

Because he wanted to make some RAP DEPOSITS

I'd make a 9/11 joke, but it wouldn't fly anymore. And if I tried it would probably crash and burn. It just wouldn't help my comedy career take off.

I used to be a baker, but I decided to quit my job, and stick my dough inside WOMEN’S bakeries

Why did the rapper become a fisherman?

Because he wanted to reel in the BEST HOOKS

Why don't rappers ever become chefs?

Because they can't stop droppin' the BEET