Career Jokes

Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...

Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)

AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]

I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.

They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."

Sixty years ago, Stephen Hawking's teacher got fired for accidentally making an offensive joke. What was it? Go for your dreams, kids. Reach for the stars.

They told me I could never be an actor.

No one suspected me when they went missing the next day.

What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?

Showing them the ropes.

A job is like virginity. Not everyone loses it.

I'm thinking of getting a job as a gardener--pushing up the daisies!

I work with animals!

What do you do?

I’m a butcher.

John: Hi, boss, it is raining heavily today, so I will not be coming.

Boss: You stated in your job application that swimming was your hobby, so see you at 11 AM.

Kid: How much do you get paid?

Teacher: Minimum wage.

My dad was a roof cleaner and I'm dedicating this to him, so dad, if you're up there!

What's the difference between your job and a dead hooker?

Your job still sucks.

I am up in the air about becoming a pilot.

At a date:

He: "I work with animals every day."

Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"

He: "I'm a butcher."

How does an artist fill in a CV?

He draws on experience.

What's the best thing about being a pedophile? You can choose the fit profession where you find kids most.

What was Frankenstein's second job? -- He was a bodybuilder.

I used to be a banker...

But then I lost interest.