North Jokes

What nationality is Santa Claus?

North Polish.

What did the north tower say to the south tower?

"You're too young to smoke."

I asked my North Korean friend, "what's it like to live in North Korea?" He responded, "can't complain."

Little Johnny walked into the bathroom while his dad was taking a dump. As soon as Little Johnny walked in, his dad let out a big FART! Little Johnny said, “WHAT WAS THAT?” His dad said, “That was the sound of the north wind.” The next day his teacher asked the class, “What’s the direction of the north wind?” Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher called on him and he said, “TEACH IT’S MY DADDY’S BOOTY!”

Why is North Korea so good at Geometry?

Because they have a supreme ruler.

A still from a movie shows a man holding a gun to another man's head, with the text above the image reading, "The punishment for trying to commit suicide in North Korea is death." The man holding the gun is labeled, "North Korean govt." and the man with the gun to his head is labeled, "North Korean citizen." The text on the bottom of the image reads, "Drop the gun... or else, I'll shoot."

Why don't North Koreans like jazz music?

Because they don't have soul.

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde."

The blonde then taped the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

Trying to make a baby talk is like trying to negotiate with North Korea.

Your hairline's so bent, it goes west, east, north, and south!

Your career might be in the north, but it's going south :)

Here's how to piss off all of North America.

All the United States is, is South Canadia.

What do you call a rich Chinese person? Cha-ching!

Ask Siri what rich North Koreans are there.

Siri: "I could not find anything for this question."

When the South Tower saw the North Tower collapse, he said, "I'm still standing."

North Korea and the Martians were fighting about who was going to reach Venus first.

Trump steps in and says, "That doesn't matter, America is going to land on the sun first."

The Martians and North Korea said, "You can't land on the sun, it's too hot and you will die."

Trump said his brilliant plan, "America is going to land there at night."

The US Navy Atlantic Fleet is closing in on the North American shores. Suddenly a blip on the radar appears and the radio starts crackling:

"Hello, please divert to 5° East to avoid collision. Thank you."

The commander starts answering:

"No, you divert 5° West to avoid collision. Over!"

"Sorry, sir, you are the one who should divert to 5° East! Over!"

"Listen to me, you asshole! We are the USS Washington, and we have an entire fleet at our disposal, and be sure we'll use all means necessary to keep ourselves safe!"

After a moment of silence, the radio crackled again:

"In case you still haven't figured out, we can't move BECAUSE THIS IS A LIGHTHOUSE!"