Career jokes
I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents told me the sky was the limit.
What job do you want if you don't want people's twos since?
A Catholic priest.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one liners?
Because he can't do standup.
I hear coal mining is a rock-bottom job.
Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...
Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)
AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]
I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.
They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."
Jake Paul's life:
Sixty years ago, Stephen Hawking's teacher got fired for accidentally making an offensive joke. What was it? Go for your dreams, kids. Reach for the stars.
They told me I could never be an actor.
No one suspected me when they went missing the next day.
What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?
Showing them the ropes.
My friend dreamed of being a porno star.
He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him.
The next job he got was pumping petrol. Halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!
A job is like virginity. Not everyone loses it.
I'm thinking of getting a job as a gardener--pushing up the daisies!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to his job at KFC!
I work with animals!
What do you do?
I’m a butcher.
I used to work at a bank, then I lost interest.
John: Hi, boss, it is raining heavily today, so I will not be coming.
Boss: You stated in your job application that swimming was your hobby, so see you at 11 AM.
Kid: How much do you get paid?
Teacher: Minimum wage.
My dad was a roof cleaner and I'm dedicating this to him, so dad, if you're up there!
Is Stephen Hawking a physicist now? No, because he is dead.