Car jokes

The police officer in London, who used fake Covid rules to arrest a young woman, drive her more than 50 miles out of London in a hire car, murder her, and do whatever to her, has appealed against his Whole Life tariff.

He should be relieved it was only that! Could've been worse... could've married her!

Yo mama is so pretty, she could get in a car crash because boys are staring at her.

Yo mama is so fat she can't even get in her own car because she's fat.

Why did Hittle kill himself? Because he wanted to buy a car, but then Hittler farted.

If you run next to a car, you get tired, but if you run behind it, you get exhausted.

I'll be here all week... sadly enough for you.

Yo mama's so fat, I swerved to miss her in my car and ran out of gas.

A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.

“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”

The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.

“It’s really not your day, is it?”

What's the difference between Paul Walker and a fly? It's the sound they make when they hit the windshield.

My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?

Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."

Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"

Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.

What did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? "Safe life repair, safe life replace!"

Mom told me to get more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car.

Why did the polack lock himself out of his car?

Because his keys were inside of the ignition.

Sup peoples?

There was a kid and a historian in a museum about WW2 and were looking at Hitler in a car doing the Nazi salute. The kid said, “Why is he putting his arm in the air?” The historian said, “Indicators on cars didn’t exist back then so he’s probably saying take the Third Reich!”

I learned my dad got into a car crash this morning.

And my driver's license got revoked too.

A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.

This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.

So I gave a disabled kid hot wheels. I mean cars, no I gave him literal hot wheels!

A girl in my class started barking, and I yelled out, "Furry!" Everyone started laughing at her, and I felt bad. After school, I asked to drive her home, and one the way there I apologized and then told her to count down from 10 - 1. Before she said one, I yelled, "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" then I jumped out the car.

Your hairline is so far back that I can't even back out of my car.